Sensory water play for toddlers

This post is in collaboration with Crazy Sales

Bub is totally and utterly obsessed with water. She wants to splash around in it any chance she gets and thats not limited to only bath time. Being the little smarty pants she is, she worked out the cats water bowl splashes just as good as the bath and when she can't get to that she just tries to pour the water out of her sippy cup and splash it all over the table. We had an unfortunate incident a few weeks back when she poured water all over my laptop one morning (when daddy was watching her, enough said) and by the time I found it nothing worked. Thankfully after a few hours drying off outside it came back to life. It became quite obvious that I needed to introduce some structured water play into her playtime to avoid any more water damage around the house!

We live in a townhouse and while we have the biggest courtyard in the complex, its no where near big enough for a proper pool. Unfortunately our complex doesn't have a pool either (a major oversight on my part when I bought the townhouse). So, given the space constraints and wanting to avoid water damage inside the house, the next obvious choice was to get a sand and water table for some outdoor play. Whoever invented these was a total genius.

We got the Outdoor Water and Sand Activity Table in blue from Crazy Sales online. The table has two separate sides so it can be used with water and sand at the same time. Both sides have plugs in the bottom which make cleaning up really easy. The table also comes with funnels and water wheels that can be moved into different positions along the edges. There are also six sand moulds, a watering can, two scoops, a rake and two little floating boats. We received one extra orange funnel in our box (there's only meant to be two), but I'm pretty sure it was a fluke so if you order one don't be surprised if you only get the two funnels as advertised. We were just lucky.

So far we've only used it as a water table because I don't have any sand. I'm thinking I'll get some kinetic sand for it, that way it should be easier to pack away if I want to empty it out of the tray - or so they claim on the ads. Shes still been using the sand moulds, upside down as water scoops, even though we have no sand. Her favourite accessory is the watering can because she can watch the water pour out of it. Of course that means she just tries to pour water on me the whole time (but its been so hot lately it doesn't bother me). We've also added in some of our own plastic balls and stacking cups for added sensory play (because she found them and threw them in there).

The table is the perfect height for a toddler. It means she can have fun water play without needing to wear a swim nappy because she won't sit down in the water. She does get wet in the process though so suitable play clothes, togs or no clothes are advised when playing. I learnt that the hard way the first time when she got soaked because she just wanted to splash water out everywhere. The other afternoon when it was really hot I put her table over the shell pool we have to create a double story water play experience and she loved it. That definitely required a swim nappy, it was very messy, but so much fun.

To say she is obsessed with it is an understatement. She is always banging on the back door because she wants to go out the back and play with it. If it wasn't so unbearably hot outside most of them time I'm sure we'd live out there. For now we wait until mid afternoon to have a play when its a little cooler. She would literally spend hours playing at the table if I'd let her. I usually last an hour and then its either too dark or getting too cold so we pack everything up and come inside, much to her disappointment. The only downside to the table is that it causes tantrums when I try to get her to put it away and come back inside!

Overall I was really happy with the service I received from Crazy Sales and I'm extremely happy with the product. It arrived safely and quickly. Its as described (albeit with an added funnel) and is good quality. Shes given it a good work out throwing all the accessories around and there's not a crack to be seen. Even though bub is technically younger than the recommended age she absolutely loves this table and I haven't had any safety concerns while shes been playing with it (of course I supervise her at all times). Crazy Sales also have regular online deals where you can get up to 80% off selected items and they have a huge range of products to choose from, including heaps more outdoor toys for kids. I could literally waste a good few hours trawling their site for goodies.

Toni x

Disclosure - I was asked to review products for Crazy Sales and chose the sand and water table. All opinions are my own based on our experience with the product. I did not receive payment for this review, however this post does contain some affiliate links which means I may earn a small commission, at no extra cost to you, should you make a purchase.

When is it the right time to have another baby?

That's the million dollar question isn't it?

It's one we've been pondering a lot for the last few weeks. Seems I've got a serious case of baby fever... I've been so dam clucky lately. Of course my family have been asking when we're having another baby ever since bub turned one. There must be some unwritten law that once your first child turns one you must immediately provide your parents with another grandchild. If you don't you will be continuously nagged at every opportunity until you do provide requested grandchild, at least that's what I think their plan is.

It seems our parents aren't the only ones who have an opinion on when we should have another baby. Checkout chicks at the supermarket and little old ladies at the shops are particularly fond of asking "ohh she's so cute, how old is she?" which is promptly followed by "are you planning on having another one soon?". I get there's a genuine fascination with such things, I do. And that babies make strangers gravitate towards you, but the interest has been particularly heightened now that the Duke and Duchess are expecting again. You see bub and Prince George are only a few days apart... so naturally I had better hurry up and get pregnant again because Kate already is... at least that's what everyone keeps telling me. 

Thanks for the added pressure Kate...

Seriously though we have been discussing the issue of when the right time would be for us to have another baby, regardless of what the general public may think. We haven't come up with an answer yet (yea sorry this post isn't a pregnancy announcement), but we have come up with the following list of factors that should be considered.

10 FACTORS TO CONSIDER WHEN PLANNING ANOTHER BABY

1. The age gap. I'm pretty sure this is the first thing that pops into everyone's mind when they're considering adding to their brood. If they're too close it'll be harder, but they could end up being best friends. If they're too far apart chances are they won't be interested in the same things so won't play together much. Then the omg what if I have them close together and I end up with twins factor comes into play. You may laugh, but I know two people who've had this happen and ended up with 3 under 3 and 3 under 2, it does happen.

2. Can baby number one walk & talk? This one is high on the list of factors to consider for me personally. I never wanted to be carrying two babies around everywhere at the same time. Similarly I also don't want to have two babies who can only communicate via crying (assuming I don't end up with twins!). We've overcome the walking barrier and are currently working on the talking part. It's just a case of do I wait until she can talk or get pregnant and hope she can talk a lot more by the end of the nine months? Jury is still out on that decision.

3. The nappy Situation. Everybody is quick to say "don't have another baby until the first one is out of nappies". Personally the idea doesn't bother me that much. She's only using 4 or 5 nappies a day now and doesn't require a nappy change at night so that's not that much to handle compared to a newborn. Also since we moved to nappy pants her nappy changes have gotten much easier and aren't a massive battle anymore. I also think it'd be easier to deal with a newborn while having a toddler in nappies, rather than a toddler who's toilet training and pooping and peeing all over the floor. I could be wrong though as I've never gone through the toilet training experience, but I hear it isn't good. The less time I have to spend cleaning excrement off the floor the better (especially when the squishy newborn will be doing tummy time on said floor).

4. Money. It always rears its ugly head when there's a big decision to be made doesn't it? I figure there's never going to be enough to live the way I'd like to live, but if there's enough to get by comfortably at a standard we can accept then that's ok.

5. Sleep deprivation. Isn't it amazing how we can magically forget all the horrible months of sleep deprivation hell. I've just become accustomed to getting six hours uninterrupted sleep at night and I honestly don't know that my body could handle going back to broken sleep just yet. The thought actually scares me.

6. Pregnancy side effects. I didn't have the easiest pregnancy. Although customers at work were telling me I looked great while pregnant, I most certainly didn't feel that way (at least not at the end). I got psd which means my pelvis was separating from 30 weeks. As you can imagine it didn't feel great, in fact at some points I couldn't walk. I had to finish up work earlier than planned and pretty much stay on bed rest for nearly two weeks until the pain subsided a bit, but then it came back even worse later on. I also ended up with carpel tunnel in both wrists and had to wear braces 24/7 (except while showering). On top of that I got pupp rash in the last week and ended up covered in a hideous, insanely itchy, rash which didn't go away until after she was born. Forgive me for not wanting to jump back into that again anytime soon. Each condition happened randomly so there's a possibility that I won't experience any of it the second time around, but I'm not sure if I'm ready to take my chances yet.

7. Is Kate pregnant? Just kidding.

8. Fertility issues. This one won't apply to everyone, but for us its a reality. It makes the process a little harder to predict because we could end up taking over a year to fall pregnant (or not fall pregnant at all) from the time we start trying. So its a case of do we start trying a few months before we'd ideally like to get pregnant, assuming it'll take that long; or do we stick to our preferred time and then hope it doesn't take months upon months to conceive. Considering it took me nearly four years to fall pregnant the first time, this is weighing heavily on our decision.

9. All the other stuff like will I need to buy a double pram? Will I be able to handle going out in public with two kids by myself or will she just dart off while I'm attending to the baby? 

10. Will I lose my mind? When he goes back to work will I just completely lose it having to look after two children by myself all day? Am I likely to get post natal depression again? 

In the end I don't really know that there will ever be a right time to have another baby, especially when there are so many factors at play. Chances are we won't ever be able to tick all the boxes at the same time. In the end I think it'll come down to our gut feeling on when we think we could handle adding another little spawn darling to our family and whether we are even able to get pregnant again. Rest assured if when it does happen I will let you all know (yes mum I will tell you first before announcing it on my blog, you don't need to text me).

Anyone have any tips on when the right time is?

Toni x

How do you make a baby?

This is a sponsored post for Queensland Fertility Group

Easy question, right?  (Well unless you're trying to explain it to a small child)

Everyone knows you just need to get jiggy with it and boom you'll get pregnant. Easy. 

At least that's what those sex ed teachers told us in highschool. Well technically they were trying to scare us into making sure we didn't get pregnant. "If you have unprotected sex even once you will get pregnant!" Although not many of us paid attention during those classes, I totally believed them that I'd get pregnant the moment I had unprotected sex. All the teenage pregnancy warnings thoroughly scared the crap out of me. Which was probably a good thing because I definitely didn't want a baby back then.

A few years later when I was 23, I was ready to have a baby, and I naturally thought it would be as easy as stopping the pill and I'd get pregnant. I didn't think I'd be lucky enough to fall pregnant straight away, but I didn't think it'd be that hard either. Wrong. After 12 months of trying with no luck I started thinking those sex ed teachers had seriously lied to me. I mean hello - I was purposefully having unprotected sex and not getting pregnant and they told me even if I did it accidentally I'd get pregnant. Way to give a girl false expectations. After 12 months of nothing happening we got referred to the fertility clinic at our local hospital.

I never knew trying for a baby was such a complex process. I guess it doesn't feel that way for those who are lucky enough to fall pregnant without knowing all the science behind it all. When you go through a fertility specialist you soon learn just how many factors can actually affect your fertility.

The most important factor affecting a woman's ability to conceive is her age. Once women are over 36 they have half as much chance of conceiving as they would have when they were 20. Age is probably the only fertility factor I was remotely aware of before trying to conceive. Of course at 23, I didn't think my age would be a factor. What I wasn't aware of was just how much cycles, ovulation, egg quality, timing, health and general lifestyle factors also play a part in conception. There's also a number of reproductive conditions that can affect fertility and you might not even know you suffer from them, I didn't.

The infertility rollercoaster was a very unpredictable and daunting process for us at the time. There were lots of emotional highs and lows. To cut a long story short, my ex-husband and I actively tried to conceive for almost 3 years. We exhausted all of the free fertility testing options at the local hospital over the course of a year and still never once got pregnant. Our next step was to be referred onto Queensland Fertility Group (QFG) to look into other options, but our relationship broke down before we went ahead with an appointment. Looking back now I'm actually glad I never conceived with him given how toxic our relationship was. Perhaps destiny somehow had a hand in that, because I then went on to meet T and our journey has had a much better result.

T and I decided to try for a baby, knowing full well that I'd probably have trouble conceiving. Still we decided to go au natural again just to see what would happen. I had this misconstrued theory that maybe I'd magically get pregnant because I was now trying with another man (even though it was me who had the fertility issues). Surprise, surprise that didn't work. After six months of trying and nothing happening we went straight to QFG to check on everything and start fertility treatment. I didn't want to dilly dally around this time. I knew time was ticking away and I didn't want to get past 30 and think gee I really wish I had've done that sooner. 

Before I began fertility treatment I was quite apprehensive. The emotional lows of not conceiving made me start thinking it would never work. I was still optimistic, but I let my negative thoughts take over at times. I was petrified of my first visit to QFG, mainly because of the unknown. Our dr made us feel so comfortable and reassured of the process that any apprehension I had before was quickly gone. I came away from that appointment with a whole new attitude - I had a renewed sense of determination and a very positive outlook.

After initial testing I was quickly diagnosed with Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome (PCOS). The short explanation of PCOS is that it means I don't ovulate each month, instead my eggs turn into cysts. At the time I was diagnosed I think I had 13 cysts on one ovary and 9 on the other. Being diagnosed with PCOS was actually a good thing because I finally had an answer as to why I hadn't been conceiving. Knowing what the issue was meant we had a plan of action to tackle it. In our case that meant ovulation induction, which lead to this...

For some of us the journey to conception can be hard, but there is always hope. I'm so grateful that I experienced fertility issues in a time when there are so many medical options available to help. If you're planning on conceiving soon or have been having trouble falling pregnant QFG now offer a free fertility insights program to help you get started on the path to conception. Words cannot express the amount of gratitude I have for Dr Ben Kroon and QFG. They have given us the greatest gift ever and I simply cannot thank them enough. We're currently discussing when to try for another baby and although we haven't come to a decision yet, we have definitely agreed we will be going back to see the team at QFG when we're ready.

Toni x


* I understand its an unwritten law for sex ed teachers to scare teenagers out of having sex by any means necessary. I hereby forgive my teachers for inexplicably creating my false expectations regarding pregnancy.

Disclosure - this is a sponsored post for Queensland Fertility Group in conjunction with Digital Parents Collective as per my disclosure policy. 

10 ways you can tell your baby is now a toddler

Clearly there are some pretty obvious ways to tell your baby is a toddler, like the fact that they've turned one and the definition of a toddler is a child aged 1-3. There's also the obvious developmental steps like moving from crawling to walking, saying more words and needing more stimulating toys and activities to help sharpen their fine and gross motor skills. This list isn't about those things. This is all the other ways you can tell your baby has completed the metamorphoses into toddlerhood. The things people don't really talk about, but all mums of toddlers will relate to, or if you're still in the baby stage - the things you have to look forward to.

10 WAYS TO TELL YOUR BABY IS NOW A TODDLER

Your house is permanently messy

I went through a phase of picking up all the toys throughout the day to try and keep things tidy. It only lasted a few days before I realised it was futile. It's doable when your baby is immobile and they can't move toys around, but once they're toddlers they have this innate desire to come along behind you and destroy everything you've just tidied up. If your house looks like a toy shop has vomited all over the floor then its safe to say you have a toddler. My advice, learn to embrace the mess.

You can't go to the toilet by yourself

Gone are the days of being able to sneak off to the toilet. From now on you'll have a little toilet buddy whether you like it or not. Mine likes to bring me stuff like balls to throw and books to read. If she's in a particularly destructive mood she'll try to pull all the toilet paper off the roll or take one of the spare toilet rolls off for a walk somewhere and hide it. Yep toilet trips will never be a peaceful event again (even if you lock them out because then they just bang on the door saying "mum, mum, mum, mum" on repeat until you're finished).

They want to do everything themselves
You will most definitely have a little miss or mister independent on your hands once they graduate from baby to toddler. Even if they don't quite have all the skills yet, they'll still want to do everything themselves. They are now big girls and boys after all and they'll want to prove this to you as often as possible. Cue the rebellious independent streak.

They want to eat your food
Regardless of whether they wanted to eat theirs. Yours is always more interesting because they know they're not meant to have it. Even if you're both eating the same food, what's on your plate will still be more appealing. Every. Single. Time. End of story.

Everything is theirs
Younger babies are generally happy to share toys and play well with others, but once they're toddlers the what's mine is mine and what's yours is mine phase hits. Suddenly everything is mine, whether it is or not. Similarly everything someone else has is suddenly more attractive - toys, books and food are the usual suspects. FYI they don't need to be able to say the word mine to express this either, she gets her point across quite well with hair pulling, smacking and pushing. Trying to stop this behaviour usually leads onto my next point.

They throw tantrums
Its amazing how quickly kids master the art of throwing a tantrum. Babies generally only cry when they need something, but toddlers, they like to throw tantrums for a million different reasons. The tiniest thing can set off a toddler. Our latest one here is my glasses aren't on my head anymore, after she's just pulled them off. We also have my dinner is gone (after she's eaten it all), my toy fell on the floor (after she threw it there) and how dare you stop me from playing in the cats food on a daily basis. Then there's the normal screaming in the car tantrums and tired but unwilling to sleep tantrums.

Most tasks become a battle

Meal times, getting dressed, getting in the car, getting in the pram, going to bed (I could go on) usually turn into world war 3. Be prepared for a battle. Approach these situations with an arsenal of weapons up your sleeve. My weapons of mass distraction include toys, the tv and singing random songs.

Change time becomes a game of chasey

Nappy changes are a combination of a battle, a tantrum and a game; but mostly a game. It's a game of how many times do I have to roll over before I can get away from mum. Then, how quickly can I run away from mum while laughing hysterically. Then, how far can I run away from mum while I have no pants on (which is usually accompanied by the theme song "come back here so I can put your nappy on, you can't run around nakey"). The second chorus is "you need to put pants on before you do a wee on the mat". Yes, she has done a wee on the mat. Don't laugh, I'm sure your toddler will too at some point.

They bite {hard}
Depending when your baby starts teething this may start before they're technically a toddler, but they become much better at it when they're toddlers. I used to get occasionally bitten on my finger if it strayed too close to her mouth {or if I was dumb enough to let her put it in her mouth}. Nowadays though she deliberately bites me on my toes, knees and shoulders, daily. Apparently the bonier parts are better for biting because it gives them something to get a really good latch onto. It's pretty much like being attacked by a piranha, but one that you {for reasons that may momentarily escape you} love.

They have no fear
This is possibly the scariest trait a toddler has, at least for us parents. No matter how many times they hurt themselves you can be sure they'll still do the same thing again without a second thought. Its terrifying seeing your toddler about to launch themselves face first off the bed or the couch with reckless abandon. Of course I stop her before she goes over the edge, but then she tries to go straight back to the edge as fast as she can. If I survive the toddler stage without having a heart attack it might just be a miracle.


Do you have anything else to add to the list?

Toni x

The baby daze

In the weeks leading up to bub's birth I knew I'd be sleep deprived once she arrived. Every second person I spoke to was reminding me, just incase I forgot. I thought I was prepared for it. In fact by the end of my pregnancy I was willing her to come early because I was so over spending my days lazing around the house and having afternoon naps. Ha, what I would give to be able to have those weeks back now.

To be honest I don't think you can ever be prepared for the sleepless nights a newborn brings. At least not the first time around. Perhaps I'll be a little more equipped next time because I know what to expect, but I'm sure it'll still knock me for six. 

Those first few days in hospital are seriously a blur. Two words - cluster feeding. Sure it's great for bringing your milk in, but its so not great if you want to get any sleep. I don't even remember T being there during the day time because I was so sleep deprived from the nights. I know I fell asleep while feeding her twice. The first time I woke because a midwife was taking her off me to put her back in the crib and the second time I woke because I remembered I was feeding her and freaked out. I'm pretty sure the second time was only a micro sleep, but when I woke I was so confused as to whether I was really awake or whether I was dreaming. I remember sitting there for a good five minutes trying to work out what was going on. 

By the third day I broke down in a fit of tears asking T if the birth had really happened and she was really my baby. I was so out of it from not sleeping that I wasn't sure if I'd made the whole thing up. A few hours later the dr came by to do my discharge paperwork and I told him about my breakdown (thinking I was going crazy) and he said it was perfectly normal especially given my unexpected birth. In fact he said he'd be more worried if I hadn't had a good cry. I can't tell you how reassuring that conversation was.

When I got home it was easier at first because I had T's help during the day so I could have small naps here and there. It was up to me at night time, but surprisingly enough I was managing to get by on only a few hours of broken sleep quite well. Until T went back to work.

Cue major breakdown.

He works 12 hour shifts so I had to look after her all day and then all night by myself. All on about 2-3 hours of broken sleep. Needless to say that didn't work very well.

[Image Source]

I was so tired I was a walking zombie half the time. Pretty quickly I became quite emotional. I'd burst into tears numerous times throughout the day and often in the early hours of the morning when I couldn't get her to go back to sleep after a feed. I became resentful of T because he was still getting a minimum of eight hours of uninterrupted sleep each night, if not more. I started getting seriously depressed and anxious. I honestly believe my sleep deprivation played a part in me developing postnatal depression. At the time I just thought everything was my fault and that I wasn't coping.

Love to Dream recently conducted national research* into the relationship between sleep and new mums. I have to say the results sound very familiar to me and I'm somewhat glad I'm not the only one who's gone through this experience. 53.6% of new mums said lack of sleep had a negative impact on their lives. Sleep deprivation can seriously affect your everyday life and not just in the sense that you need a lot more caffeine to survive the day. The research uncovered a number of negative impacts including:

• 63% of mums become overly emotional {like I did}
• 58% feel grumpy or angry
• 36% say it impacts their relationship with their partner/husband 
• 33% suffer ill health {like I did}
• 30% feel unable to cope {like I did}
• 27% feel depressed {like I did}

The good news is that the baby daze as I call it does pass. Of course I didn't believe it would when I was smack bang in the middle of it all. But with a lot of patience and a number of different tactics we got through it. Now I have a baby who sleeps up to eleven hours a night and rarely wakes unless shes teething or sick. Oh happy days. I actually sleep long enough to have dreams now (pretty weird ones, but its still better than none).

Disclosure - I did not receive any compensation for this post.

* National survey of 600 mums aged 18-45; questions based on babies being less than three months of age

Safety 1st Wanderer Pram Review and Giveaway

To be completely honest, I've never actually gone shopping for a pram. I did spend years lusting after a Bugaboo though. While I was battling infertility I noticed pretty much every baby that came through work and a good percentage of them were in Bugaboo's. Being exposed to them so often it automatically became my dream pram without ever actually researching any other prams. Of course I never thought I'd get one being that they're so expensive. I fully intended on shopping around for a pram once I got pregnant. It turned out though that when the time came my grandma offered to buy me a pram. I told her I wanted a Bugaboo (as a joke) and to my complete surprise she agreed to buy me one. Yea I nearly fainted. It was probably a blessing though because I had no idea where to start with any other prams. I had no idea what features I wanted, or needed, I just knew that I didn't want a 3 wheel pram. 

In June I was invited to attend a bloggers breakfast hosted by Dorel as part of the Pregnancy Baby and Children's Expo. I was super excited to be able to attend this year as I couldn't go last year because I was 36 weeks pregnant, suffering really badly from PSD and couldn't walk properly. Dorel manufacture a wide range of children's products, you probably have some of their products in your home without knowing. Their key brands include Mothers Choice, Safety 1st, Maxi-Cosi and Quinny. After breakfast we got to see all of the latest Dorel products in action. It really opened my eyes to all the other great products available that I'd never considered before. When the opportunity came up to review products I jumped at the chance (because who doesn't want to try before they buy right?).

I initially wanted to review the Stellar pram, but it won't be available for a few months so I was offered the Wanderer. I hesitated at first, due to my dislike of 3 wheel prams, but then decided to give it a go. Over the past few weeks bub and I have been putting it through its paces and here's what I think.

My aversion to 3 wheel prams came from a media report outlining the risks of them when they first came out a few years ago. It was long before I thought about having kids, but for some reason it stuck with me. Because of that I automatically discounted 3 wheel prams completely, without ever researching them. Now that I've actually used one I don't know what I was worried about. There are so many things I love about this pram and I haven't had any safety concerns at all.

For some reason this pram makes me feel like I should be jogging around a lake somewhere. It just looks so sporty and actually motivates me to exercise, believe it or not. I've dubbed it my walking pram because since I got it I've gone walking so much more. Which is great for #operationlosebabyweight (which should've started a long time ago). I now walk down to the local shops all the time instead of popping in on my way home from somewhere. Its about a forty minute round trip up and down a hill and the pram handles beautifully. It moves like it has power steering and the suspension means it makes short work of both the (poorly) paved footpaths and dirt sections of our walk. I love that there's only one foot brake, it makes it so much easier than having one on each wheel. There's also a huge amount of storage space so I can load it up for the walk home.

Underneath there is a huge storage basket. I have to specially order bubs formula from the chemist down the road and it comes in 10 tins at a time and they all fit perfectly in the open basket section. I've never been able to walk and get her formula before as I can't fit all the tins in my other pram. Best bit is there's still the zipped storage basket free to hold anything I pick up from the bakery or fruit shop as well. I still take my nappy bag with me (more out of habit), but all the contents could easily fit into the zipped section. There's another zipped pocket on the back of the sun canopy too which I put my phone and keys in for easy access.

Another feature that I really like is the reversible seat. For some reason I thought all 3 wheel prams only had front facing seats, because that's all I'd ever seen. I was so happy when I saw that I could rear face her in the Wanderer. To be honest before I tried this pram I'd never forward faced her. I loved being able to see her the whole time (yes I know separation anxiety much). I bit the bullet and turned her around and she loves it. Obviously looking at the cars, plants and houses as we walk is a lot more interesting than looking at boring old mum. The good thing for me though is that this pram has a sneaky way I can spy keep an eye on her while she's front facing.

Hello hidden viewing window. The sun canopy on this pram is awesome to begin with, but it also extends down even further by unzipping the viewing window. Its great for the walk home because the sun is always directly in her face by then. In addition to allowing me to see her, it also allows for good ventilation while the canopy is down so low so she doesn't get hot. The pram also comes with a rain cover included although we haven't had to use it yet.

I love that the pram comes with a front bumper bar. It gives me extra peace of mind knowing that there's a bar there should I accidentally not clip the straps in properly. It also gives me a place to hang a wrap over her if its a bit chilly (without blocking her view). Pram toys can also be attached easily to entertain her when we're out for long periods of time. If you don't like having a bar across the front its easy to remove by unclipping it at the side. 

I'm seriously amazed by how easily the Wanderer folds down. Literally all I have to do is recline the seat and then pull the two red discs on the side and voilà the pram collapses on itself. The front wheel can be removed if needed to get the pram into a car boot, but I don't need to remove it. The pram also has an added safety latch on the side that automatically clicks into place when its folded down. I can fit the pram in my hatchback quite easily with a fair bit of boot room around it. It's just shy of being able to lay flat because of the thickness of the wheels, but lays flat in our sedan. My other pram folds into two separate pieces and takes up a lot more room in the boot so the fact that this one is quicker and easier to put away and leaves more boot space is a real winner.

There are so many other features I love about this pram including the adjustable handle and the fact that it comes with a seat liner and foot muff included instead of having to buy them as accessories. There are only two things I'm missing with this pram that I wish I had and that's a cup holder (for me) and an attachable tray (for feeding while out). The cup holder is just me being precious because I've got one on the other pram and I've grown quite accustomed to drinking hot chocolate while I'm exercising at the shops. I've seen the attachable food trays on friends prams and they look like an ingenious idea.

For the price ($499) and the numerous list of features this pram has I'd say its more than value for money. If I had to go shopping for a pram right now I'd definitely buy it as opposed to other brands (even my beloved Bugaboo). It isn't missing many features that my original pram has and there's a massive $980 difference in the price. See what I mean, definite value for money! If you're currently on the market for a pram or are looking to upgrade you should definitely go to the shops and have a sticky at the Wanderer. 

UPDATE: The Wanderer was originally $499 and has since been reduced to a RRP of $399.

Disclosure - I was gifted a Wanderer by Dorel after attending the PBC Expo bloggers breakfast. I did not receive any monetary compensation for this post and all opinions expressed are based on my experience with the pram.

The moment I finally realised I was infertile

Walking into the fertility clinic part of the hospital I was still in denial. There wasn't anything wrong with me. This was just a follow-up by an overzealous dr. Sure we'd been trying to have a baby for over two years at this point, but it wasn't because I was infertile. It had to be something else. Timing, stress... anything. Anything but infertility. Something else I could fix, or change, or eliminate in order to solve the problem, but infertility I couldn't.

Sitting in the waiting room hallway I looked up and down at all the couples lined up against the wall waiting to see the drs and find out their fate. It was like a game of bingo sitting there eagerly waiting for our names to be called out. Each time a door opened and a name was read out a wave of excitement, then disappointment, washed over me.

My mind kept wandering back to the moment at highschool when we had the dreaded sex ed talk. They drummed home the "if you have unprotected sex you will get pregnant" message over and over. Well here I was sitting in a waiting room calling bullshit on that theory. I wanted nothing more than to get pregnant by having unprotected sex. In fact I was actively trying to do it. I felt like I'd been lied to all those years prior.

Its ok though there was still a shred of hope. I'd been taking clomid and I was sure this month was going to be it. This was the miracle I needed. I would go into that room and do a pregnancy test and it would be all good. I would be pregnant. I ignored that tiny flicker of doubt in the back of my mind and tried to reassure myself that this was it.

Finally we got called into the office. I was so eager to tell the dr that I thought I was pregnant. I was practically begging for a pregnancy test. He sent me off to do the test and I envisaged watching the line appear and the huge smile that would come across my face as I saw it. In reality I was told I had to give a sample and then a nurse had to come and collect it and conduct the pregnancy test in the lab. I don't know why I wasn't allowed to do my own test, god knows I was an expert at pregnancy tests by then. It didn't phase me too much though, it just meant I got to live in false hope for a bit longer.

Eventually the test results were in and I wasn't pregnant. It was amazing how nonchalant the dr was delivering the result. It was such a huge emotional blow for me and it was just another test result to him. Its interesting how something that can have such a devastating impact on my life was relatively meaningless to another. After that he went on to explain that we'd gone through all the options we could via the hospital clinic. If we wanted to continue with treatment we'd have to go onto IVF with a private clinic.

And there it was. There was no longer any doubt. I was most definitely infertile. I'd been denying it for so long, but when you hear the words your only option from here is IVF, it kind of smacks you square in the face.

I left that appointment feeling completely deflated. It didn't help that the clinic was right next to the maternity ward so I had to walk past all the pregnant women and their burgeoning bellies on the way out. For the last few weeks I'd looked at them with anticipation assuming I'd soon be joining them. This time I walked out resenting them. I resented that they had what I didn't and might never have. I didn't know them, but I couldn't help feeling like they'd betrayed me by flaunting their pregnant bellies around in public where I could see them. In reality they were just going about their business attending prenatal appointments and I was just being bitter and twisted and redirecting my disappointment into anger.

Infertility has a way of doing that to a person. You become somewhat irrational. Its hard to not become bitter. Suddenly every pregnant woman is having a child just to rub it in your face that they can, at least thats what you think at the time. Infertility is like having a monkey on your back. It's all consuming. Its deflating. Its depressing. But, like other obstacles in life it can be overcome (in some circumstances).

Three and a bit years, a divorce, a new partner and more fertility treatment on from that moment I became a mum. It wasn't without its dramas and a complicated pregnancy, but we got there and that's all that matters. Hopefully we'll be able to do it again in the future.

Leaving my narcissistic husband changed my life

This post has been floating around in the back of my head begging to be written for a while now. When Kirsty came up with the prompt the biggest chance you've taken I knew it was time to finally get it out. I'm just hoping it makes sense now that I'm writing it because its a jumbled mess in my head.

When I decided to leave my ex-husband I really had no idea how much of a monument-us decision it was. Something just clicked in my head and I decided to do it. From that moment there was no going back, no second guessing, nothing. Once I decided to leave I couldn't go back. I couldn't imagine being with him for a minute longer. I'd had enough. Its like a light suddenly came on in my head and I could see clearly through all the bullshit and finally I realised I didn't have to live that way any more.

To set the scene for those who aren't familiar with my original blog posts, my ex-husband was the quintessential (abusive) narcissist*. I just had no idea at the time. He started out all charming. He was super attentive and affectionate which I loved at first. Having been single for a few years before meeting him, I was relishing the fact that someone loved me so much  that he wanted to spend all his time with me. I saw it as adoration in the beginning, but what I didn't see was that he was actually doing it so that I was spending all my time with him. So he always knew where I was, who I was with and what I was doing.

At first it was subtle, but it became more and more obvious as time went on. He slowly isolated me from my friends so that everything in my life was about him. He started out by not letting me go out with my friends without him. Then it went to not being allowed to go anywhere without him, even my mums house. Then we were only allowed to have friends who were married, because married people understand what its like to be married??? So eventually the majority of my friends dropped off and stopped bothering to invite me anywhere because they knew I wouldn't go anyway. I only had a handful of friends who stuck around and they were mainly people I worked with who knew the situation at home.

Soon he progressed to taking my car to work on my days off so he knew I couldn't go out when he wasn't there. On one of those days he actually had a car accident and totalled my car. Incidentally on that day mum had picked me up to discuss solicitors and how I could get out of the relationship. But, when I came home to find out my car was totalled my self confidence was shattered. My car was the only thing that was mine, just mine, and it was gone. All plans of leaving were destroyed along with my car.

So I stayed and endured a few more years. Years of being told how useless I was. How much my own family couldn't stand me. How he was the only one who truly loved me. How if I ever left him I'd never find anyone else who'd love me like he did.... etc etc. The constant taunting and verbal abuse cut so deep that eventually I became numb to it all.

Sometimes while you're going through a situation you can't quite comprehend just how big a deal it is or the effect it will have on life going forward. Sometimes, you're so invested in it that all you can do is keep going in order to survive. Its easier to keep facing what you know instead of facing the unknown. It was definitely a case of better the devil you know. He had eroded away all my self esteem and self confidence, I was emotionally crippled and couldn't imagine facing the world on my own.

Until one day it all changed.

I got to my breaking point and I'd had enough. It didn't matter what the future would be like. It didn't matter if I never found anyone else and if I was on my own for the rest of my life, because being on my own would be a thousand times better than being with him. The light bulb moment was when I found out he'd been cheating on me while we were in the midst of an infertility battle trying to conceive a child. When confronted he told me it was all my fault (amongst a whole heap of other bullshit stuff). At that point I just laughed. It was so clear to me how much an ass@*#! he was. The first thing I thought was "what if I have a daughter and she sees him treat me like this and thinks its ok".

That thought was enough to make me decide to leave. It was so over. I'd put up with a lot, but there was no way I was going to put a child through that reality. And so I decided to leave. I didn't care about the consequences, I didn't care about what might happen after. I didn't have any idea of the huge battle that lay ahead of me in order to do so, but even if I had, I still would've done it.

Its only now years later that I've really grasped what a huge chance I took. I've been seeing a psychologist for my PND and when we were talking about my general history he came up. I didn't go into detail, just a brief overview of how controlling he was and that I left. Without hesitation the first thing my psychologist said was "you're so lucky you got away from him because he's the type of person that ends up killing his wife". It kind of hit me in that moment what a huge step I'd taken. It also made me realise how incredibly grateful I was that I had done it and how lucky I was that it didn't go badly. All the statistics point to the fact that women in abusive relationships are most at risk when they're leaving the relationship. Put that together with the fact that it nearly sent me bankrupt and I could've ended up forgoing children because of it...and yea... it makes me realise just how huge it was.

Its without a doubt the biggest chance I've ever taken in my entire life and its had the biggest pay-off. While I went through months and months of emotional and financial hardship afterwards, because he was still trying to control me, I did come out the other side. And the other-side is wonderful. Life without him is nothing like he said it would be (surprise, surprise). It's liberating. It's freedom. I finally have my life back and for the first time in years the future can be whatever I want it to be.

If I never took that chance I wouldn't have the life I have today. I wouldn't have this blog. I wouldn't have fallen in love and wouldn't have my daughter. Sometimes taking a chance is the best thing you can do.

Toni x


*Characteristics of a narcissist

• Has an exaggerated sense of self importance
• Is pre-occupied with power
• Requires excessive and continuous admiration
• Has a strong sense of entitlement
• Has to be the centre of attention
• Believes that they are special (more important than others)
• Exploits others for their own gains
• Lacks empathy for others
• Is arrogant in behaviours or attitude

I'm glad I got postnatal depression

It may sound like a weird statement to make, but I am actually glad I got postnatal depression. Don't get me wrong the experience at the time was horrible and confusing, but with hindsight I can see the many benefits it brought into my life. Most of which may never have happened if I didn't have PND.

The fact that I was depressed motivated me to contact the government child health nurses. I most likely never would've called them if I hadn't felt like I wasn't coping. They have been amazing, one nurse in particular. The first nurse who came to visit me has been an invaluable and ongoing source of support for me. She organised home visits which helped with my anxiety and was also much more convenient given I was recovering from an emergency c-section. She was also the one who recommended I seek help at the hospital which was scary at the time, but lead to some pretty welcome changes in my life.

At the hospital I was diagnosed with PND and set up with the help I needed to feel better again. I wasn't the only one that received help though. It was at the hospital that doctors finally started to listen to me about bubs not being right. My mothers instinct told me that the constant screaming, reflux, rashes and unsettledness wasn't normal. Before the hospital gp's had dismissed my concerns saying it was normal for babies to get rashes, vomit and cry. The hospital stay meant that paediatricians could witness her symptoms over a period of consecutive days and finally they agreed with me that it wasn't normal. Thanks to that hospital stay my daughter was finally diagnosed with her cows milk protein allergy and we were able to make changes that put us on the road to a much healthier, happier and content baby. For that I will be forever grateful. I shudder to think where we would be if we never received their help.

Another benefit is that my diagnosis in a way forced mum and I to be a lot closer than before. When bub first came along I didn't have much day to day support except T. When he went back to work I crumbled. After I came out of hospital mum came to stay with us to help out for a week. It was nice to have her around and spend so much time together. She got to forge a really strong bond with bub and we also got to grow our connection. She now makes it a priority to see us each week or fortnight. We go shopping together, go to lunches and catch up with other family. Its nice to feel like I'm involved in her life, and moreso that she wants to involve me. I feel like I've finally got the mum I always longed for.

Source: Pinterest

Most of all having PND has made me realise just how strong I am and how much I love my daughter. Looking back now to how low I was at the time, I can really see how far I've come. I'm proud of the fact that I was strong enough to ask for help and work through my fears. I'm proud that I loved my daughter so much that I wanted to get better, even though at the time it would've felt easier to give up. In a way I'm proud of the fact that I got PND and was able to come out the other side and have the happy, healthy and incredibly loving relationship I have with my daughter today.

Toni x

If you feel you need help these numbers may be useful:

Community Child Health (QLD) 1300 366 039

Beyond Blue 1300 224 636

P.A.N.D.A. 1300 726 306

The way we talk to our children becomes their inner voice

The campaign to ban the word "bossy" being said to young girls seems to have been going viral in the media in the past few days. I don't really have a stance one way or the other about the word bossy in particular, but I do like the intention behind the campaign. I'm very conscious of the way I speak to my daughter even though shes only 7 months old. I know how much the words you hear from your parents and immediate family can affect your inner voice. Unfortunately I can only really remember the negative things I was told. They've been on repeat in my head since a young age and they affected my sense of self worth greatly.

Being told I was the most selfish bitch they'd ever met by a family member wasn't the greatest self esteem builder. It doesn't help that I also had my grandmother always apologising to other people for my behaviour (when I wasn't even doing anything wrong). When we went to NZ on a holiday tour my grandmother was always apologising to the rest of the tour group for me and my brother because we were the only kids on the tour. We were 14 and 11 and nobody had a problem with us as we weren't doing anything wrong. All I can put it down to is she thought we'd ruined everyone else's holiday by being there because she assumed they wouldn't want children on their holiday. That, or she was just plain embarrassed to be on holidays with us. She still to this day apologises to people for me even being present at certain places. Even as an adult I can't help but get disheartened when she does that, like I'm not good enough.

I'm determined to try my best to ensure my daughter doesn't have a negative inner monologue or low self worth like I did growing up. I try to encourage her and give her positive reinforcement as often as possible. I want her to remember the positive things I've said. That's not to say I don't ever get frustrated with her, but when I do I try to stop and remember shes just a baby before I say anything. She knows what the word no means, but I don't want her to know what the word bitch means. Shes the one thing I've wanted most in my life and I never want her to look back and feel like she was a burden to me or unloved.

Similar to the "bossy" campaign, there's been a lot of talk for the past few years about not using the words pretty or beautiful to little girls, so they don't associate their self worth with their physical appearance. I somewhat agree with this, but I still tell her she's cute all the time. I think cute is a broader term so its not completely related to her appearance. Even though she is beautiful, of course (totally bias).

I also say things like you're so smart or you're so clever when she learns new skills. I think its important to acknowledge all the good things no matter how tiny they may seem. I want to celebrate all her little wins so most of all she realises that I notice her. I don't want her to ever feel invisible like I sometimes did.

I want to make sure she feels seen, heard and loved throughout her childhood.

I always remember the line from The Help - You is kind, you is smart, you is important.

An unusual love story

As a young girl I remember watching Disney movies like Beauty and the Beast, The Little Mermaid and Cinderella. Although they all have different messages and story lines they all end up with the main character overcoming obstacles and ending up with her 'prince charming'. For a couple of years I thought that's the way it worked, I would turn into some type of princess and meet my prince charming and live happily ever after. However, after watching mum and dad split up and then mum being a single parent for years after dad died the fantasy kind of disappeared. Dam you Disney for giving me false hope and dam you life for ruining it.

After my first marriage didn't go so well I didn't have high hopes of any fairytale love coming from nowhere and sweeping me off my feet. In fact I had completely come to terms with being alone for the rest of my life {a bit dramatic I know, but I had just gone through a divorce from a man who kept telling me this would be my reality if I ever left him}. I was totally happy on my own, in fact I was relishing my freedom to do what I wanted. I was going out because I wanted to. I was getting dressed up to look good for me, not for a man. I was definitely not looking for love. That old saying that you'll find love when you stop looking for it happens to be true in my case. I met my soul mate by accident.

I went out for new years eve with my best friend and some of her friends. We weren't looking for men or love or anything other than a fun girls night out. Towards the end of the night I was kind of over it. I'd had my fill of watching extremely drunk people doing ridiculous things because they were inebriated. It was entertaining at the beginning of the night, but after a couple of hours the novelty wore off. Clearly my alcohol had worn off by then too and I just wanted to leave. Lucky I didn't because I never would have met him.

This is the totally random moment we met.

My friends were arguing with this guy because they wanted his hat {one of those cardboard top hats that had NYE on it} and he wouldn't give it to them. He had his back to me so I just took it off his head {because I was over the stupid argument}. I didn't really care how he was going to react. Then he turned around and my first thought was oh shit hes good looking. It turns out he must have thought I was alright too because he spent the rest of the night with us. I went from wanting to leave at 1am to staying out until 5am, when they literally kicked us all out.

I was so out of touch with the dating game that he had to ask me for my number and my first thought was oh that's right, that's how this works. I guess I'd already come to the conclusion he would never want to see me again. That's pretty much how it worked back when I was 19 and I met guys in clubs. To my surprise he did call and we did see each other again. After a few weeks we succumbed to the fact that we were in fact "dating" and that we'd accidentally found ourselves in a relationship when we both weren't looking for one.

I can't really recall the exact moment I realised that I loved him, but the point I realised he loved me was one night when I was really drunk and vomited everywhere. He went inside and I assumed he was leaving and I wouldn't see him again. Instead he came out and cleaned everything up and looked after me. We'd only been "dating" for about a month. That's true love right there people. From that point on I knew he'd always be there to look after me.

Almost two years after we met we got engaged while on holidays in Sydney. About two weeks after that we found out I was pregnant, which was the most awesome surprise. She was very much a planned baby, but it was a surprise because we were literally just told we would need to do IVF to conceive. I went to Sydney with one love and came back with another already secretly growing inside of me.

Maternity photos taken by Jane Gilbey Photography

Now we're a perfect little family of three. I couldn't imagine life any other way. I often think what if I didn't go out that night? What if I never took that stupid hat off his head? Where would I be now? I had no idea when I met him that he would become my future.

Photo taken by Katharine Maree Photography

So, my prince didn't come riding up on an impressive horse, fly into my life on a magic carpet or rescue me from the ocean. There was no grand entrance or love at first sight moment for us and I was certainly not dressed like a princess when we met. It was just a simple fleeting moment between two strangers that coincidentally became the greatest love story of my life.

Toni x