When I was pregnant I never imagined I'd have a child with allergies. I knew I'd be apprehensive when trying peanuts for the first time given so many kids react, but other than that I never really considered allergies would be a problem. The only allergies I knew of in our family are seafood based and I figured the baby wouldn't be eating seafood for a few years anyway so that never really concerned me.
What I never, ever imagined was that I'd have a daughter who has a severe dairy allergy. An allergy that wasn't diagnosed for weeks despite my constant trips to the drs pleading with them for help because I knew something wasn't right. An allergy that caused her to scream inconsolably for hours on end. One that caused her skin to be flaky and dry and over time develop an extreme eczema rash covering half her body. An allergy that caused her to projectile vomit repeatedly after every feed. An allergy that even caused her to stop breathing on a couple of {extremely scary} occasions.
But that's exactly the reality I find myself in. I'm an allergy mum. And its not just dairy, she's also allergic to numerous other foods {soy, eggs, avocado, apple, pear, nectarine, bacon, pork and sausages to be exact, and probably a bunch of other foods we're yet to try}. On the whole I have to say having a child with food allergies sucks {for so many reasons}. People often dismiss allergy mums as hypochondriac helicopter mums who overreact, but trust me that's not the case. To others we may seem to be over protective, but in reality we're just trying to keep our kids safe like every other parent, we just have to work a little harder to do that. There seem to be a number of misconceptions out there so I thought I'd give you a glimpse into what life's like with a child who has food allergies.
Trialling new foods with an allergy bub isn't fun and exciting like it should be. Its nerve racking. She's had different types of reactions to each food she has an allergy to, some are mild and she probably doesn't even notice them, but others are quite painful and can become life threatening. Reactions include hives, welts, chemical burns in her nappy, swelling, vomiting, and in some cases she can stop breathing. It means I'm constantly living on high alert. I'd love to be able to give her a new food and not have to second guess whether its going to cause a reaction, but that will never be a reality for us.
I always have to monitor what she's eating.
When she was a baby controlling her food intake was relatively easy because a) she couldn't move and b) I was her only source of food. Now that she's bigger, mobile and can talk {read: can try and con other people into giving her food she wants} its a lot harder. I have to watch her like a hawk whenever she's around other kids with food.
Telling a toddler they can't eat certain food is hard.
Most parents have to explain to their kids that they can't have certain foods at some point, i.e. no you can't have ice-cream for breakfast, but I have to do it on a daily basis and not just regarding junk food. I have to say no to the most basic of foods, like apple juice and biscuits, things other toddlers eat every day. There are often tantrums. She doesn't understand why her friends can have certain foods and she can't, but thankfully most of the time she accepts it. But it breaks my heart that she can't eat the same food as her friends.
I make her food from scratch.
I was going to make most of her food from scratch anyway so in reality having to do this hasn't made a huge difference in our lives. However, having to do it, rather than choosing to do it, sometimes does leave me a bit exhausted. Making her food is not as simple as grabbing a few things and throwing something together, it involves scouring the health food aisle to find the limited number of items I can actually use to bake with. It has to be pre-planned to ensure I have the necessary substitutes on hand. There have been so many times I wish I could just buy a packet of biscuits, or muffins instead of needing to bake for her to have snacks. I'd also love to be able to take her to a restaurant and order her a meal off the menu instead of having to make her food and take it along with us {then hope we don't get in trouble for bringing it and not paying for something off the menu}.
I'm an expert at reading ingredient lists.
Although I make the majority of her food from scratch, there's still times where I need to read ingredient lists on foods to make sure they're ok. For example when finding substitutes to use in cooking {like nuttelex, bio cheese and coconut yoghurt}, or when other mums offer her packet food. Years ago I never really looked at ingredient lists when buying food, I just bought what tasted good, as most people do. Now, I'm a ninja when it comes to deciphering ingredient lists, I can spot even the smallest amount of hidden soy or milk.
Birthday parties aren't as fun.
Nothing sends an allergy mum into a panic quite like the words birthday party. I don't expect other parents to cater for her dietary needs when organising their party, that's not fair on them, but it does mean that she's not really left with many options when it comes to eating food at parties. I wish she could just go to a party, eat all the food and have fun like all the other kids.
I can't send her to day-care.
Ok so technically I could send her to day-care if I could find one which would cater to her allergies {which is hard enough in itself}. However, after hearing first hand of how kids sometimes drink each others bottles by accident at day-care, there's no way I'm risking my child ending up drinking milk {even if its completely by accident}. If that was ever to occur her choking is silent and deadly and unless a carer was literally watching her face to face there's no way they'd even know she couldn't breathe. Given the ratio of carers to children in most child care centres I know she won't be watched face to face 100% of the time so the risk that something could go wrong {as minute as it may be}, is one that I can't take. I would never forgive myself if something happened to her.
Some people are just down right ignorant.
I get that people don't understand food allergies and that's fair enough because I didn't have a huge grasp on them before either, but some people actually dismiss her food allergies {because apparently everything the paediatrician has told me is wrong and they know better}. I've also had lectures from people {who aren't drs and clearly have no understanding of cmpa} telling me all sorts of different things that I should do to make her right "oh she's allergic to dairy, just give her lactose free stuff, she can have the lactose free yoghurt and milk she'll be fine". Actually she won't because she's allergic to dairy protein, not lactose and she'd probably stop breathing if you gave her any of that. The truth is none of their {hopefully well meaning} advice would have any affect on her allergies other than to exacerbate them and cause reactions. In the beginning I used to try and educate them, but it soon became clear these people think they know my daughter and her allergies better than I do, so instead of correcting them, I usually just allow them to say their piece and thank them for their advice and move on {while making a mental note to never leave my child alone in their care}.
In a way I understand why allergy mums come across as helicopter mums to other parents. From the outside it probably does seem like we're overly paranoid and coddle our children, but trust me it comes from a very necessary place. The truth is you can't really understand what it's like to care for a child with food allergies until you have to do it yourself. Unless it's your own child who has the potential to have a life threatening reaction you'll never truly understand the enormity of it. You just can't, but hopefully this has given you a glimpse into what its like. And hopefully you can now see we're not crazy helicopter mums, we just don't want to lose our precious babies.
Toni x
