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Thursday, January 21, 2016

Kids or partner - who do you put first?


Before we had bub T and I were all about each other, as most young couples are. I spent hours at work counting down the time until I could see him again. We spent most of our nights together and the odd ones we spent at our own places we would talk for hours on the phone. Its safe to say we were pretty much obsessed with each other in the early days {in a healthy non-stalkerish kind of way}. For two and a half years we continued in our little loved up bubble of holidays, sleep-ins and lazy beach days. Then we had a baby and our whole world changed {as it should}.

Suddenly we were thrust into the world of nappies, night feeds and responsibility. Overwhelming responsibility. We had a tiny little human and we had to keep her alive. All thoughts of love and romance {and sleep-ins and lazy days at the beach} were pushed aside for much more responsible things like remembering how long it had been between feeds and trying to work out why she was crying for the 456th time that day. From the moment she came into this world she became our number one priority and that's never changed.

Our relationship shifted once she entered the equation. We evolved into a family of 3 and instead of just loving each other there's now another person in our lives. T's told me to my face that he loves her more than me. For some women being told your partner loves someone else more than you would be irrational, unacceptable and a deal breaker; but for me its not. Because I love her more than I love him too.

Admittedly, thanks to a drug fuelled emergency birth, I never had the love-at-first-sight-omg-my-heart-is-going-to-burst moment when she was born, but we developed an immense bond over the following days and it just keeps growing as she does. My love for her is entirely different to my love for T. She took a piece of my heart when she was born and she will always have that, no matter what happens in our future. My love for her is stronger because she is literally a part of me. He could never trump that {just like I could never trump his love for his daughter}.

Our love for each other hasn't diminished. It may not be as romantic or spontaneous as it once was, but its certainly still there. We're just as in love as we were in the beginning and I don't foresee that ever changing. However, our love for her, both individually and combined, far surpasses our love for each other. She will always be the most important part of our life together.

Toni x