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Monday, April 16, 2012

Finding my inner calm

My journey of finding myself has been a process of rediscovering things that I once loved to do and also trying new things. One of the new things I have tried recently is yoga.

I have to admit that I was sceptical at first for a few reasons. Firstly I am so bad at being calm. I am not good at sitting still and I am certainly not good at turning my brain off. It takes me nearly two hours to fall asleep at night because my brain wont stop thinking.  Secondly I prefer faster pace exercises and physically demanding exercises like weights. I always thought yoga was an easy form of exercise for those who don’t really want to push themselves. Boy was I wrong!

I hurt more the day after yoga than I ever do from weights. It is certainly not an easy way out, those stretches are damn hard! It takes so much focus and effort to get everything right. In the beginning I found it frustrating that I wasn’t good at it straight away. I thought because I exercise quite regularly and am quite fit that it would be easy.

It has been good for me though learning to be patient and it makes me work a lot harder. It has definitely helped me to stop and think about myself. It forces me for one hour a week to focus on just me and the present moment that Im in at that time. At that point in time there is no past, there is no future, there is only that time that I am one with myself. Its really quite odd for me to think like that because even when Im at the gym Im usually thinking about all the things I need to do when I get home.

The other surprise is how much yoga helps with your emotional healing. I would never have thought that I would be able to focus on only my breathing and shut out the world. It helps you to let go of the pain both physically and mentally. Today I even meditated and never in a million years did I think I would be able to do that.

On top of all this I am being taught by my friend who knows my personal journey and adjusts the sessions based on me. I think this is the main reason why I enjoy it so much. I think in a group class I wouldn't enjoy yoga as much as I would find it quite boring. I have never been to a yoga class at my gym even though they are free. However, having it tailored to me personally I can really see the benefits. I am actually really appreciative that someone would want to help me in this way. To share their experience and pass it on to me knowing how much it can help me heal. Thankyou :) 

I am happy to say that I am now getting much better at being calm. I look forward to doing yoga each week as it is MY time to zone out the rest of the world and be one with me, myself and I.

This post is not about me trying to push yoga, this is simply my journey so far and like I said it was quite surprising and unexpected. I urge everyone to try and find their inner peace no matter what shape or form it comes in. We should not be afraid to try new things because they could end up being just what we've always needed.

I hope you can all find what makes you calm (if you haven’t already).

Toni xx

Wednesday, April 11, 2012

How do you feel today?

Do you ever stop and think how many times your mood changes in one day? Its quite rare that I will wake up in one mood and stay in the same mood for the whole day no matter what happens throughout the day.

This morning I started out tired and not looking forward to work which soon gave way to boredom once I got to work. However, as the day went on, I became optimistic as it started to get busier at work and I was actually making my target for the day. Then I was happy and to a small extent proud of myself for achieving my target on such a quiet day. At lunch I had to go to the bank to sort out stuff to do with my ex (yes it is still going on even though it should be over...) and once I went to sort that out I began to feel a bit sad and unsettled. It was mainly because it makes me think about the past again when I don’t want to. I was also angry at myself for allowing myself to feel this way. That's right I got angry at myself for being emotional! Makes total sense right?? Not.

Fast forward a few hours and coming home tonight knowing I was going to see my man I felt and still feel  loved :)

So looking back on my day I have gone through 9 different emotions in one day just as a result of what happened throughout the day. There are many people out there who will say that your environment has no control over your emotions and that only you are responsible for the way you feel. To an extent I believe that, but at the same time we are all products of the environment we live in and the experiences we go through otherwise we would all be the same and that would be boring.

Either way I am just happy that I ended the day with feeling loved. It is the best feeling to have before going to sleep....

What have you felt today?

Toni xx