This blog post may contain affiliate links.
Friday, February 27, 2015

What its like to be a child of suicide...

{TRIGGER WARNING} Please note this is my own personal experience and this post is not intended to give anyone advice in regards to suicide or mental illness. If you feel you need someone to talk to please contact your doctor or call Lifeline on 13 11 14, Beyond Blue on 1300 224 636 or the Suicide call back service on 1300 659 467 to seek professional help.



Firstly let me say being a child of suicide is something I hope none of you ever have to experience. I wouldn't wish it upon anyone, even my greatest enemy (if I had one). Unfortunately this is the life I've had to live since I was 10. These were the cards I was dealt through no actions of my own. I had no choice but to accept it as reality, because it was. I've lived this life every day since June 7th 1995 when I found out my father had died {we found out a few days after her died}.

I've actually been able to quite successfully go through life without many people knowing that dad committed suicide. I always dread the "what does your dad do?" question because then I have to come out and tell people he's dead. The common response to this is "Oh I'm sorry, how did he die?". Sometimes I lie, but sometimes I tell the truth. Most people recoil in shock and wish they never asked when they find out its suicide. Others want to know how he did it. I get there's a certain level of curiosity, but discussing details about how my father killed himself isn't high on the list of conversations I want to have with people. Especially those who aren't my closest friends. I've mentioned his suicide on here before, but I've never once mentioned how he did it, and I don't intend to, because it doesn't serve a purpose bringing that out in a public arena. And to be honest I already re-live that in my head continuously even though I wasn't actually there when it happened. I don't need the reminder.

There's no point in me judging what he did. He's not here to defend himself. It's not going to bring him back and it won't change anything. I'll never have the answers I want so I'm not going to compound the hurt by adding anger on top of the pain. No point rubbing salt into my already deep wounds. But boy do I wish he'd never done it. That one single decision that he made has had a profound affect on my entire life. 

HOW SUICIDE HAS AFFECTED ME


I had to deal with kids teasing me
When I first returned to school straight after it happened all the kids in my grade had been told what had happened. The resident bully decided this was great ammunition to tease me even more than usual. The first day I went back I was greeted by her in the corridor pointing and laughing at me saying (really loudly) HA HA your dad killed himself! She probably didn't understand the gravity of the situation at 11 years old, but that's not really an excuse for her behaviour.

I live with subconscious guilt
I wasn't there when dad died (thank god), but I used to constantly wish I was. Because if I was there I keep thinking I could've stopped it. I know it probably wouldn't have made any difference and I know it wasn't my fault, but there's that tiny part of me that wonders.

I made bad choices in past relationships
I honestly think I allowed myself to be in a controlling relationship because I craved a male authority figure. I didn't have any male attention or a dad to build up my self confidence when I was growing up, so when my ex husband came along I lapped up the attention. Even though it was a very toxic type of attention.

I fear everyone is going to leave me at any point
I have the hugest fear that the people I love are going to up and leave me at the drop of a hat with no warning. Whether it be through an accident or of their own choosing, I'm always worried that when I'm happy its all going to be taken away in an instant. Because that's what happened before.

I'm a control freak and limit risks
I'm working on trying not to control everything and go with the flow more, but my natural tendency is to want to be in control of what happens. That way I can prevent bad things from happening - at least that's what my mind thinks. I deliberately limit risks so I don't put myself in situations where things could go wrong, however I'm also trying to work on this. I put off doing my V8 hot laps for months because I was scared something would go wrong, but in the end I did them and had an awesome time.

I live with an anxiety disorder
I'm not sure if its a direct product of dad's suicide or if I developed anxiety because of what happened after, but I have finally been diagnosed with generalised anxiety disorder. I always overestimate the likelihood of something bad happening and at the same time underestimate my ability to cope with it if it did happen. I've most likely had it for years, but I've never seen anyone about it until I was diagnosed with PND. The stress of having a new baby pushed me over the edge and my anxiety peaked and started to affect my ability to function on a daily basis, so I sought help. Since then I've learnt a lot of ways to help cope with my anxiety and I really wish I had of sought help years earlier instead of accepting that was how my life was.

I always go over the what ifs
What if dad didn't die? 
Would he like T? 
What if he was in bub's life? 
How would her life be different having a granddad?
Would I feel more loved if he was still around?


Image | Cherry Lola

There have been a few positives to come out of the situation though, if you could call them that. Going through such a traumatic experience at such a young age taught me a lot of life lessons. Lessons I probably wasn't ready to learn yet, but I learnt them none the less.

Knowing that things could change in an instant means I don't take anything for granted. I'm grateful for everything good that comes my way. I appreciate the small things. I slow down and really enjoy life and try to live in the moment as much as possible. I appreciate every. single. moment. I get to spend with bub and I tell her I love her every chance I get, no matter how busy life gets.

I wouldn't wish my life experience on anyone, but if there's one thing I can pass on to others it'd be to make sure you slow down and enjoy life. Laugh, smile and spend time together. Make beautiful, happy memories. Because one day you'll hold onto those memories so tight and be forever grateful that you made them.
Monday, February 16, 2015

All you need to know about childhood vaccinations

One of the main things I was concerned about when it came to my daughters health, even before she was born, was what vaccinations she would need to have and when. I spent a lot of time reading up on the different types of vaccinations needed and what was involved. I was never considering not vaccinating her, I just wanted to know as much about the process as possible. Before I was given pamphlets from the hospital I really didn't have any idea about childhood vaccinations, apart from knowing that they were available. Today I have a guest post from HealthInsurnceComparison.com.au which helps explain the ins and outs of childhood vaccinations (in Australia) in detail for those who may be in the same boat I was in.


KIDS VACCINATIONS

Vaccinations are an easy and effective way to protect children against diseases that could otherwise make them seriously ill or prove fatal. Some of the most frequently recommended vaccinations are covered by Medicare but there may still be some out-of-pocket costs to think about. The situation with travel vaccinations can be a lot more complicated as Medicare does not offer any support for this. Here’s what you need to know about getting your children vaccinated.

Which Vaccinations Do Your Children Need?

Several different vaccinations are needed during childhood - especially in the first few years - to give immunity against dangerous diseases. This includes Hepatitis B, which should be given as soon as possible after birth. The National Immunisation Program (NIP) recommends that the following also need to be protected against:
  • Diphtheria (at 2 months)
  • Tetanus (at 2 months)
  • Polio (at 2 months)
  • Rotavirus (at 2 months)
  • Pneumococcal (at 2 months)
  • Measles (at 12 months)
  • Mumps (at 12 months)
  • Rubella (at 12 months)
  • Meningococcal C (at 12 months)
  • Varicella (at 18 months)
  • HPV (at 12 to 13 years)
NB: The MMR vaccine is required at 4 years if the MMRV has not been given at 18 months
Some vaccinations will only need to be given once but some diseases will require multiple vaccinations to provide full immunity such as the Diphtheria-Tetanus-Pertussis (DTPa) vaccination to protect against diphtheria, whooping cough and tetanus.

Medicare and Children’s Vaccinations

The National Immunisation Program (NIP) funds vaccines for 16 diseases. Vaccines covered by the NIP are free of charge to those who are eligible on age grounds or if they are at risk on medical grounds. Be aware that consultation fees for the health care provider’s time may apply, even though the actual vaccinations are free.

Does Medicare Help With Travel Vaccinations?

If your family are going abroad on holiday, you may need to have vaccinations to stay healthy while you’re away. Certain vaccinations may also be needed as an entry requirement in some countries. It’s therefore a good idea to see a healthcare professional a couple of months before you leave to see which kind of vaccinations should be given and when. Depending on where you are going, your family may need to have new vaccinations and/or have booster vaccinations.
Yellow Fever is the only mandatory vaccination needed for Australians travelling to one of the affected countries. Depending on your destination, there may be a risk of various other diseases including hepatitis A and B, rabies, malaria, meningococcal meningitis and typhoid. These are simply recommended, rather than obligatory.
Medicare will cover the costs of a consultation but will not usually extend to the vaccinations themselves. If your GP does not have adequate supply of the vaccine in the surgery, they may write you a script instead. Shopping around at various chemists gives you the opportunity to get the best value for money, and there is also the option to go to a travel clinic (although this will often be more expensive).
As a general rule of thumb, it can cost up to $85 per vaccination. The mandatory Yellow Fever vaccination typically costs around $75 per person. If your family will need lots of different vaccinations, the costs can quickly add up.

Travel Vaccinations and Health Insurance

Health insurance can cover some of the costs of travel vaccinations but not all health funds will necessarily include it in their Extras policies. It’s therefore important to check whether you’ll be covered for travel vaccinations. If in doubt, ask the health fund directly to confirm their stance.
Don’t forget to look at annual limits too. Travel vaccinations are often lumped in with pharmacy Extras cover, which can have a big impact on how far you’ll be covered through health insurance before you go over your annual limit for these services.
*****
At www.HealthInsuranceComparison.com.au, we’re all about helping more Australians to understand health insurance and find the best cover for their needs and budget. Whether you’re just trying to get a feel for the market or you’ve already got a very good idea of what you need to be covered for, we’ll help you to find a policy that works for you.