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Friday, March 21, 2014

I'm glad I got postnatal depression

You were given this life because you were strong enough to live it.


It may sound like a weird statement to make, but I am actually glad I got postnatal depression. Don't get me wrong the experience at the time was horrible and confusing, but with hindsight I can see the many benefits it brought into my life. Most of which may never have happened if I didn't have PND.

The fact that I was depressed motivated me to contact the government child health nurses. I most likely never would've called them if I hadn't felt like I wasn't coping. They have been amazing, one nurse in particular. The first nurse who came to visit me has been an invaluable and ongoing source of support for me. She organised home visits which helped with my anxiety and was also much more convenient given I was recovering from an emergency c-section. She was also the one who recommended I seek help at the hospital which was scary at the time, but lead to some pretty welcome changes in my life.

At the hospital I was diagnosed with PND and set up with the help I needed to feel better again. I wasn't the only one that received help though. It was at the hospital that doctors finally started to listen to me about bubs not being right. My mothers instinct told me that the constant screaming, reflux, rashes and unsettledness wasn't normal. Before the hospital gp's had dismissed my concerns saying it was normal for babies to get rashes, vomit and cry. The hospital stay meant that paediatricians could witness her symptoms over a period of consecutive days and finally they agreed with me that it wasn't normal. Thanks to that hospital stay my daughter was finally diagnosed with her cows milk protein allergy and we were able to make changes that put us on the road to a much healthier, happier and content baby. For that I will be forever grateful. I shudder to think where we would be if we never received their help.

Another benefit is that my diagnosis in a way forced mum and I to be a lot closer than before. When bub first came along I didn't have much day to day support except T. When he went back to work I crumbled. After I came out of hospital mum came to stay with us to help out for a week. It was nice to have her around and spend so much time together. She got to forge a really strong bond with bub and we also got to grow our connection. She now makes it a priority to see us each week or fortnight. We go shopping together, go to lunches and catch up with other family. Its nice to feel like I'm involved in her life, and moreso that she wants to involve me. I feel like I've finally got the mum I always longed for.

Source: Pinterest

Most of all having PND has made me realise just how strong I am and how much I love my daughter. Looking back now to how low I was at the time, I can really see how far I've come. I'm proud of the fact that I was strong enough to ask for help and work through my fears. I'm proud that I loved my daughter so much that I wanted to get better, even though at the time it would've felt easier to give up. In a way I'm proud of the fact that I got PND and was able to come out the other side and have the happy, healthy and incredibly loving relationship I have with my daughter today.


Toni x

If you feel you need help these numbers may be useful:

Community Child Health (QLD) 1300 366 039
Beyond Blue 1300 224 636
P.A.N.D.A. 1300 726 306
Friday, March 14, 2014

The way we talk to our children becomes their inner voice

The campaign to ban the word "bossy" being said to young girls seems to have been going viral in the media in the past few days. I don't really have a stance one way or the other about the word bossy in particular, but I do like the intention behind the campaign. I'm very conscious of the way I speak to my daughter even though shes only 7 months old. I know how much the words you hear from your parents and immediate family can affect your inner voice. Unfortunately I can only really remember the negative things I was told. They've been on repeat in my head since a young age and they affected my sense of self worth greatly.
Being told I was the most selfish bitch they'd ever met by a family member wasn't the greatest self esteem builder. It doesn't help that I also had my grandmother always apologising to other people for my behaviour (when I wasn't even doing anything wrong). When we went to NZ on a holiday tour my grandmother was always apologising to the rest of the tour group for me and my brother because we were the only kids on the tour. We were 14 and 11 and nobody had a problem with us as we weren't doing anything wrong. All I can put it down to is she thought we'd ruined everyone else's holiday by being there because she assumed they wouldn't want children on their holiday. That, or she was just plain embarrassed to be on holidays with us. She still to this day apologises to people for me even being present at certain places. Even as an adult I can't help but get disheartened when she does that, like I'm not good enough.

I'm determined to try my best to ensure my daughter doesn't have a negative inner monologue or low self worth like I did growing up. I try to encourage her and give her positive reinforcement as often as possible. I want her to remember the positive things I've said. That's not to say I don't ever get frustrated with her, but when I do I try to stop and remember shes just a baby before I say anything. She knows what the word no means, but I don't want her to know what the word bitch means. Shes the one thing I've wanted most in my life and I never want her to look back and feel like she was a burden to me or unloved.

Similar to the "bossy" campaign, there's been a lot of talk for the past few years about not using the words pretty or beautiful to little girls, so they don't associate their self worth with their physical appearance. I somewhat agree with this, but I still tell her she's cute all the time. I think cute is a broader term so its not completely related to her appearance. Even though she is beautiful, of course (totally bias).

I also say things like you're so smart or you're so clever when she learns new skills. I think its important to acknowledge all the good things no matter how tiny they may seem. I want to celebrate all her little wins so most of all she realises that I notice her. I don't want her to ever feel invisible like I sometimes did.

I want to make sure she feels seen, heard and loved throughout her childhood.

I always remember the line from The Help - You is kind, you is smart, you is important.