Baby sisters

I have it in my head that I want 3 children. I think mainly because growing up as one of two kids I always wished there was another one {probably because I hoped the next one would be another girl so I could have a sister}. To be honest if it was possible, both physically and financially, I'd probably just keep going and have a bunch of kids. T always jokes that I could totally be someone who ends up with a reality tv show for having 10+ kids because I love them so much. He's totally right, well he would be if I didn't value sleep so much.

Of course it doesn't really matter how many kids I want. I don't really get to control how many I have. I've never been able to just decide I want to have a baby and then have one. Infertility has taken that choice away from me in the past and continues to do so at the moment. It doesn't stop me from wanting more children though. If anything it probably makes me more determined to have them. Especially since I've been able to have one. The fact that I know it's been possible once gives me more hope that it'll happen again.

For the past few months its just been T and I who've been obsessed with having another baby. Bub's been totally oblivious to it {apart from visits to our fertility doctor, but she doesn't understand them}. However, as our friends and some of the ladies in mothers group have been adding to their families she's understanding the concept of babies and siblings a lot more. She swings between wanting a baby girl and a baby boy, and then no babies at all. She's never really asked about it specifically, just mentioned it when answering our questions, until this week. The last couple of days she's been asking for baby sisters. Apparently she wants two, at the same time. No pressure on me at all.

I desperately want to give her those two sisters. At this point I don't even mind if they come at the same time. I'll probably change my mind on that if I'm waddling around pregnant with twins later on, but at the moment it seems like killing two birds with one stone and that sounds quite appealing {especially if it means no more fertility treatment in the future}. To be honest I don't even mind if she gets brothers, although that might be a hard sell to explain to her at the moment, but I'll take what I can get.

But what if she's an only child....

I've never really considered that she'd be an only child. I certainly never planned for it to be that way and I still hope it won't be. But at some point I have to come to the realisation that it might actually end up being that way. But not today, today I still believe she'll have siblings. I still believe she'l have those sisters. I'm not ready to give up hope, so I'm going to daydream of her two little sisters right along with her.

Because I want those two little babies just as much as she does.

Toni x

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