Last Monday I joined in with Kirsty from
My Home Truths for I must confess and the theme was to link up a post from March last year. It was an awesome idea (not only because I didn't have to write a new post) because it gave me the chance to go back and read where I was at a year ago. This is essentially the whole reason why I started my blog, but I rarely get the chance to look back and re-read old posts (I blame the baby). I treat my blog as if its kind of an online diary. I write down all my honest thoughts and experiences in the hopes that I will have an accurate record of my life to look back on in years to come, and I hope that at some point my daughter will have the chance to read some of my blog and maybe better understand me as a person. I share it online with others to also connect with all of you guys who may be going through or have gone through similar experiences. There is strength in numbers and we can all battle through the hard times together and celebrate the successes as well.
Reading my posts from last March was quite interesting as back then I was five months pregnant. My gorgeous little bub still hadn't entered the world and I was full of intrigue as to how she would be and what life would be like after I became a mum.
The post I shared from last March was about whether my personality would completely change once I became a mum. It's kind of funny reading it back now with hindsight. It certainly makes it obvious how much I over think and analyse things that other people probably don't even contemplate.
There is a great perspective change that comes when you transition to being a parent yourself. You have a much greater appreciation for what your parents went through. You also start seeing your parents as equals (or humans) rather than authority figures. I hope that one day bub will experience this perspective shift and see me as a
real person, not just mum. Perhaps if she reads my blog it won't take her as long to come to this conclusion?
I was so worried that I would cease to exist as Toni and just be mum from now on. The truth is there are now two sides to my personality, but they are kind of fused together. To bub I am mum
and only mum. Originally I feared this would happen, but now I embrace it. She's never known me as Toni, so how can I expect her to relate to me on that level? She's only ever known me as mum. From the moment we first met I was mum, I've never been anything else to her. I embrace it. I love that I am the one who can fix everything with a hug. I love that I am the one she wants to snuggle with as she falls asleep. I love that she feels safe with me. I love that we can laugh and be stupid together without the need for adult conversation. She allows me to explore the childlike side of me. I've discovered it's always been there, it was just laying dormant waiting for someone to awaken it.
On the flip side I am still me. Toni is still here. Despite spending most of my time with a tiny little human, I do also catch up with my friends weekly. Don't worry there's no binge drinking and all night partying going on
(the babies do enough of that). This is the first time in my life I've been able to meet up with friends for lunch, have coffee (in my case tea) just because I want to have a chat or say yes to going shopping/movies/bbqs. Not being tied down by a full time job (at least for the moment) has meant I'm actually more free to socialise now than I've ever been. To all those people who said things like
a baby will ruin your life or
your life will be over now - HA! I go out way more now.
I don't feel like my personality has changed, I just feel as though its been extended. I've learnt new skills, like how to recite the theme songs to most of the kids shows on abc. How to impersonate Hoot and Peppa Pig. How to do almost everything with one hand and how to turn almost any daily task into a game.
This is me. I am just Toni with some added benefits thrown in.
{Like when you order a fry pan on the home shopping channel and get a free set of steak knives}
Did you have concerns before you had kids?
Did your personality change after?
Toni xx
Linking up with
Eva,
Kirsty and
Alicia.
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Have you heard about my photo challenge 52 weeks of memories?
You can read all about it
here.