Wednesday, April 30, 2014

52 WEEKS OF MEMORIES | 17 - KISS

I am so lucky I have a baby who loves kisses, which is good because mummy does too. Probably too much, but you can never have too many kisses I say! I taught bubby to kiss from early on so I can ask her for a kiss and she'll actually give me one. Lately however shes taken to sticking her tongue in which is cute for now, but daddy's slightly worried it may set a precedent for later on. Given she's already kissed half of the boys in our mother's group maybe his fears aren't that ridiculous! :P

The best kisses of all are daddy kisses (you know when mum's busy or not around that is).

17 | KISS

- She's not too sure about this kiss from daddy -

If you would like to join in 52 weeks of memories you can find out how to play here. Feel free to share with your friends on facebook or instagram, the more who join in the better! These were some of my favourite photos shared last week for the prompt easter.

Instagram: @thejodsta

Facebook: Krystal Jade Whitney

Linky: Five Degrees of Chaos

You can follow me on Instagram @tones84 and join in on Facebook. When sharing via Instagram or Facebook don't forget to use the hashtag #fmy52weeksofmemories so I can see your lovely photos. If you have a blog feel free to link up your photos via the linky below (please read the rules before linking) and come back each week to link up each new prompt. I will feature some of my favourite ones the following week.

Reminder - next weeks prompt is Looking.

Toni xx

Also sharing with

Trish from My Little Drummer Boys

Bree from Twinkle in the eye

Raychael from Ms Mystery Case

Linky rules

1. Follow Finding Myself Young

2. Add your post for this weeks prompt

3. Grab the button below and link it to the bottom of your post or sidebar or text link

4. Visit some of the other blogs and share some comment love (because its the nice thing to do)

An InLinkz Link-up

Monday, April 28, 2014

The missing piece of our journey

Before I had bub I didn't get too attached to the idea of breastfeeding. I didn't want to get my hopes up on yet another thing that could turn out to be beyond my control. I'd had too many disappointments on the road to having a baby in the first place, I didn't want to add another one. My mum had no trouble breastfeeding me, but my grandmother was unable to feed any of her children and I knew my pcos could have an affect on my milk production. But, I still had hope and remained open minded.

It turns out my daughter must've taken feeding lessons in the womb or something. While I had no idea what I was doing at first, she seemed to have it down pat. She didn't need any encouragement or help finding my breast. She knew what she wanted and she went straight for it. From the very first feed her attachment was perfect. The nurses kept telling me I was the luckiest mum on the maternity ward. Any doubts I had about our breastfeeding journey were instantly forgotten.

It's hard to describe the feeling of breastfeeding to those who've never experienced it. I could never really grasp what it would be like before I did it myself. For me it was the most incredible feeling. It was overpowering. We were truly connected and in sync with each other as much as two people can ever be. It was comforting, natural. The most intense emotional experience I've ever had. It very quickly became familiar and normal, like we'd both been doing it together for years.

I loved feeding her because it was our time to focus solely on each other. It was a bond that only we could share. I looked forward to the night feeds. The snuggling. The rush of happy hormones. The feeling of complete contentment that washed over both of us. I felt so empowered that I was able to keep my baby nourished, content and thriving from my own body. I felt like I had a super power. It was the first thing in my journey to motherhood that had actually gone right and that was a refreshing change.

Unfortunately she didn't continue thriving for very long. After about 4 weeks she started getting very ill. That's when we found out about her cows milk protein allergy and that her body couldn't process my milk. It explained the continuous, often projectile, vomiting that followed each feed. The crying for hours on end. The rash that had started out as hives and become eczema that spread from her face to her nappy. It explained it all. It also meant the end of our precious breastfeeding journey. The quickest, and best, way to control her allergy, minimise her symptoms and eliminate her eczema was to change her to specialised formula. A decision that I knew was right at the time and in hindsight I still believe that, in fact even more-so than I did before.

There are moments though that I desperately miss breastfeeding. I miss the special, intense connection we had before. I try to put it out of my mind, but there are times I find myself longing for it. Times where for a few seconds I let myself wonder what it would be like if we had been able to continue our breastfeeding journey. Of course then the mummy guilt creeps in and the sadness washes over me. I know I did the best for her. I know she is thriving and a much happier baby now, but I can't help but miss it.

Toni x

Linking up with Eva, Kirsty and Alicia

Wednesday, April 23, 2014

52 WEEKS OF MEMORIES | 16 - EASTER

Unlike a lot of other families celebrating Easter this past week, our day wasn't filled with egg hunts or over indulgence. In fact Easter Sunday was a bit of a non event in our house. Apart from the fact that bub isn't really old enough to understand or partake in traditional easter celebrations, her cmpa prevents her from being able to have chocolate anyway. This year we celebrated with a family dinner on Good Friday where her aunty gave her some bunny ears. I also gave her a stuffed bunny toy on Sunday. We didn't even buy Easter eggs for each other, in fact I didn't buy one Easter egg this year at all. It was so hard seeing everyone post photos of their chocolate hauls all day across social media and its been equally hard seeing everyone share various recipes to "use up" the left over chocolate eggs. Part of me is happy I didn't indulge in an excess of unnecessary calories, but part of me is seriously feeling deprived. But I figure I may as well get used to the lack of Easter eggs asap.

Next year I plan on going a bit more out there. I plan on doing Easter crafts leading up to the long weekend. I want to do the icing sugar (or flour) Easter bunny footprints, leading to the big stash left by the ever elusive Easter bunny. Only the stash will more than likely be a combination of books, stickers and whatever else I can get that has a bunny theme to it.

Below are some photos of our Easter this year.

16 | EASTER

- My little Easter bunny -

If you would like to join in 52 weeks of memories you can find out how to play here. Feel free to share with your friends on facebook or instagram, the more who join in the better!

Reminder - next weeks prompt is Kiss.

Toni xx

Also sharing with

Trish from My Little Drummer Boys

Bree from Twinkle in the eye

Raychael from Ms Mystery Case

Linky rules

1. Follow Finding Myself Young
2. Add your post for this weeks prompt
3. Grab the button below and link it to the bottom of your post or sidebar or text link
4. Visit some of the other blogs and share some comment love (because its the nice thing to do)

An InLinkz Link-up

Tuesday, April 22, 2014

Mummy Must Have | Lavish Occasions

Incase you hadn't already guessed, I'm a little obsessed with taking photos. It stems from the fact that we didn't have a camera for quite a few years growing up. There's a big gap in photos from those years and I feel like I miss out now not being able to look back on them. A camera always seemed like a luxury purchase when I was young, I love that we now have them built into smart phones. These days its more of a necessity and they're so accessible. I'm so grateful that all I have to do is whip out my phone and I can capture a beautiful memory with a simple click (providing my phone memory isn't already full - I must get better at deleting photos once I've transferred them). It's particularly useful for me having a baby who is growing and learning new things at rapid speed. I want to capture everything.

Funnily enough, even though I love taking photos, I don't particularly enjoy being in them. This all changed however once I got pregnant. That's when I discovered the fun and creativity of professional photo shoots. Another thing that wasn't really done when I was younger - or if it was, my family never did it. The only professional photo I have of my family together is one done through school when I was in grade one (and its less than flattering). These days professional photo shoots are so much more fun and candid. Now-days they use all sorts of cool props. One trend I'm really loving is using chalkboards in photos, and it doesn't have to be limited to professional photos, us amateur photographers can use them at home too.

Of course I had to get one. I love ours because it says "first we had each other, but then we had you now we have everything". The saying is particularly relevant to me as I had a long battle with infertility before being able to conceive my daughter. I spent years thinking I may never actually get to have a child of my own and we were ok with that, but still held out hope. Now that she's here we very much feel as though we have everything.

I've used the board for some fun photos with bub and plan on using it in some family shots when we have time to get some done. In the meantime its on display in her nursery. I'm also planning on doing a photo display board at her birthday party in July and am going to use the chalkboard as a prop on that table.

- Now we definitely have everything -

- I love the way shes looking at me in this photo -

We got our board from the lovely and extremely talented Camille from Lavish Occasions. She did an awesome job and has the best handwriting. I have half decent writing, but there's no way I could ever write that good especially in chalk. Camille has only recently added chalkboards to her business and she can do them for all different occasions including pregnancy announcements, weddings and birthdays amongst others. You can see some of her work below - how cute are the birthday boards?! I'm totally getting a first birthday one for bubs birthday in July.

Lavish Occasions is based in Brisbane and Camille has helped many happy customers create memorable events. In addition to personalised chalkboards she can also create custom cakes, cupcakes, party designs and dessert tables to suit any occasion. Camille will work with you to tailor her products to suit your specific needs. Prices vary based on individual circumstances, but Camille is also happy to work within specific budgets to create the perfect occasion for you. Camille can be contacted via email or Facebook to organise quotes. I thoroughly recommend her work and her chalkboards.

Do you use any special props in photos?
Have you used a chalkboard before?

Toni xx

Linking up with Jess for #IBOT

Monday, April 21, 2014

A case of mothers guilt

As a mum I think its natural to want to show off your kids as often as possible. To share cute pictures and talk about what they're up to. Sometimes to the point where people are sick of it, but they'll still indulge you by pretending to be entertained by your latest poo explosion story. I'm no exception to this - I share and sometimes over share about my life everyday. I guess its a requirement of a personal blogger.

Every now and then though I second guess myself. I don't mind sharing my life story. It doesn't bother me if people know about my childhood or my inner thoughts. If it did, I wouldn't have a blog at all. What I do think about though is whether I'm doing the right thing putting photos of my daughter on my blog.

The whole purpose of my blog is to record my memories. To have a place to look back on everything that's happened. A place where I can go to re-live the important times of my life later on, when the memories have succumb to time and faded away. More importantly its a place where she can go and know for certain how much I love her and how much I care about her (if she should ever doubt it). I wish I had that now, I wish I could have an insight into what my mum was thinking when I was a baby. I wish I had our time together written down because I only remember being at school, babysitters and grandparents. While that won't be the case for my daughter, I still want to create a place for her where she can access these special moments whenever she wants to. In doing that it's unavoidable that I will share photos of her and in essence I don't have a problem with that.

I have an innate desire to create a strong memory base for her that will live on. I didn't have many photos from when I was younger so I aim to take as many of her as possible. I know the sadness felt as an adult when there is hardly anything to look back on. My father also died when I was young and over time my memories have faded. His legacy is a cluster of faint memories that live inside my head and a few low quality photos I have on display in my house. I am desperate to leave my own footprint, heaven forbid anything should ever happen to me. I don't want my children to have to go on wondering like I did.

On the flip side, I worry about the internet. I worry about the unsavoury people on the internet. I worry that once photos are on the net anyone has access to them. I worry what they can or might do with my photos, especially the ones of my baby. I worry about whether she will be annoyed at me in the future because I put her face on the internet. I worry that it could somehow come back to haunt her in the future (although I don't really know how). I worry that me sharing our life together will be seen as a negative thing by people. Yes, I am more than likely over thinking it all as usual. I'd like to think people who would do anything like that aren't actually reading my blog.

Whilst I have these worries, my desire to create memories with her and for her outweighs the 'what ifs' of the future. Instead of worrying about what may happen, I'm putting all my energy into the here and now. I still have guilt about it, but in my heart I'm doing what I think is best for my baby. I hope she sees it that way.

Do you ever worry about photos of your children online?

Toni x

Linking up with Eva, Kirsty and Alicia

Wednesday, April 16, 2014

52 WEEKS OF MEMORIES | 15 - MAKING

Obviously bub can't make much at the moment apart from mess and funny faces so I probably should've left this prompt til later in the year when we can do fun things like make toys out of playdoh and the like, but you know clearly I didn't think this out. It was hard enough coming up with 52 interesting prompts and once I did that I kind of forgot to organise them in a way that would suit her development. Whoops.

It didn't help that I also kept forgetting what day of the week it was this week so pretty much forgot to take a making photo because I thought I still had a few days to get onto it. Seriously time needs to slow down! So after going through the photos on my phone and trying to find one that suited the prompt, and that I hadn't already shared on facebook, this is what I came up with. Enjoy!

15 | MAKING

- Making friends on play dates -

Instagram: @cpointon

Facebook: Krystal Jade Whitney

Linky: From High Heels to Hot Wheels

Reminder - next weeks prompt is Easter.

Toni xx

Also sharing with

Trish from My Little Drummer Boys

Bree from Twinkle in the eye

Raychael from Ms Mystery Case

An InLinkz Link-up

Tuesday, April 15, 2014

Mummy Must Have | My Teddy

There's nothing more exciting than a new addition to the family. In February we were lucky enough to experience the joy of a new baby again when my niece Ivy was born. I don't know how, but in eight months I'd already forgotten how teeny tiny newborns are. How fragile they feel when you hold them. The gorgeous smell they have that makes them irresistible. And who doesn't love the fact that they are so sleepy most of the time. Makes me clucky again already and mine isn't even a year old!

I gave my sister in law baby essentials at her baby shower, but I still wanted to give her something nice for Ivy after she was born. Something special and unique that only she would have. Around the time she was due I was lucky enough to be contacted by My Teddy and asked if I wanted to review their bears. Perfect timing! One cute, unique, adorable present for my very special niece found.

My Teddy sell a huge range of personalised teddy bears. The business is run by Toni (cool name huh?) and Chris and they're celebrating their tenth year of My Teddy this year. Originally the business started selling bears for children as birth, birthday and christening gifts, but its since expanded to also include mothers day, wedding, engagement, anniversary, graduation, teacher and sympathy bears. They've also got special bunnies at the moment for Easter.

There are so many different designs and bears to choose from. I left all the details up to my sister in law to make sure she got a design that she liked and then I ordered it for her. She decided to go with a birth detail bear and chose Mojo.

The ordering process is super simple.

1. Pick a bear
2. Choose the jumper colour, design and your personal text
3. Finalise and await it's arrival

There are literally hundreds of motif design options available. These are some of the girl birth options. My favourite one is the owl (of course, given we are obsessed with owls in this household at the moment). My SIL chose a coloured duck and teamed it with a cream jumper.

The ordering process was really simple and the site is easy to understand. There are ample options of bears and different designs to cater for the most discerning customers. Postage was super, super quick. It only took 2 days to arrive after I ordered it.

I know you're all waiting to see the finished product so here he is....

*Last name has been removed for photo

My sister in law was so happy with the bear. Here's her feedback to My Teddy:

"I loved the little jumper that came with the very cute bear picked for Ivy. It looks like someone hand knitted it specially for my little one and makes it just more personal than something stitched into a bear. I will be highly recommending these bears as you have something for everyone's tastes"

Toni x

Friday, April 11, 2014

I miss my little baby

*This post is brought to you by Love to Dream

Its funny how you spend so many months willing your baby to learn new skills and move forward with everything and then the more advanced they get, the more you miss the little helpless baby. You can't wait for them to roll over, to crawl, talk, walk etc. The thing is once they start doing those things it brings with it a whole new kettle of anxiety because there's so many more ways for them to hurt themselves. You'd think as they get older there'd be less ways for them to get into trouble, but apparently it just gets worse (as least for us mums on the worrying front).

Take learning to roll as an example - I was super excited for her to learn to roll. I felt like one of those ~~cheerleaders~~ parents at a sporting game yelling encouragement from the sidelines. In fact I was probably over encouraging - bribing her with toys to go to certain sides and what not. In the beginning I was so caught up with her meeting her milestones on time or early I didn't really soak in the joy of an immobile baby (you may think that sounds weird, but once your own babies start moving you'll understand where I'm coming from). Back when her four month checkup was looming the child health nurses told me rolling would be one thing they definitely had to check for on their list. Way to make me paranoid about my childs development. Anyway the problem was, while rolling during the daytime and on the play mat was a good thing, rolling in itself presented other more fear inducing moments. One I was majorly dreading was her being able to roll in her sleep. Of course once they learn to roll in the day they inevitably, and quickly, realise they can do it at night time too (when nobody's watching or awake to stop them). *Insert paranoid mum staying awake half the night to make sure baby doesn't suffocate here*

I kid you not for the first week or so I was a nervous wreck even though she was sleeping completely fine and had no problem with being on her tummy. I was lucky (in a sense) that she wasn't one of those babies who cried everytime she ended up on her belly. Of course that just made me more anxious because apart from checking on her I never knew when she'd rolled over. All I kept thinking of over and over in my head was the midwives drumming into me that if babies sleep on their stomach it increases the chance of sids. I was literally up and down all night rolling her over onto her back. I did more nervous pee's throughout the night during that time than I've ever done before. It was a good thing because each time I got up to pee I could roll her back over (and that's probably exactly why my body was subconsciously doing it).

As soon as she started rolling she also started kicking off her blanket and crawling up the bed during the night. We sleep with the air-con on in our room so she needs to stay warm enough at night. Apparently, when I did this as a baby mum's solution was to safety pin a blanket to my clothes - so I keep being told. What a difference a couple of decades makes - we now have these wonderful things called sleeping bags (sarcasm intended). Thankfully I'd transitioned her to a swaddle up 50/50 before she learnt to roll so moving her to a proper sleeping bag was a natural progression and relatively painless.

She looks so comfy I don't know why she needs to roll onto her tummy and freak me out so much

I chose the INVENTA sleeping bag by Love to Dream. It's hypo-allergenic with natural bamboo lining. If you've been following my blog for a while you'll know bamboo is my new favourite fabric, especially when bub is concerned. Its natural, super soft and also helps control body temperature by drawing moisture away from the body. Anything with bamboo in it is always at the top of my list, especially when it comes to sleeping products. She sweats a lot and I'm always concerned about her being too hot or cold during the night, so the bamboo helps to control that. In addition, the INVENTA sleeping bags also have a cooling mesh vent which can be opened or closed to help further regulate her body temp when needed.

They also have the Longa Shorta length feature which means you can adjust the length as your baby grows. Its a simple clip system (as seen in pic above) which can be done up or undone as required and it doesn't affect the use of the bag. It's great because a lot of sleeping bags only go to a certain length and then you need to buy a new longer one. We have the 4-12 month version of the bag and shes 8 1/2 months and still fits into the bag with the length clipped up so it'll most likely last her until after 12 months. The other feature I love about the bag (in the 1.0 tog) is the owl print because she's completely obsessed with owls (hence why I'm spending hours on pinterest planning an owl party theme).

For a more detailed visual explanation of how the sleep bag works check out this video. I would also recommend putting the sleeping bag on before they're asleep (as shown in the video) because she has become a bit restless the few times we've put her in it after she's been asleep.

The sleep bag has certainly helped to reduce my fears around her being too cold at night and makes me feel more comfortable with the fact that she doesn't have a sheet over her. I actually prefer her having a sleeping bag on as opposed to a blanket or sheet because it eliminates the chance of her getting twisted up and stuck under a blanket at night. So, with the use of the sleeping bag and the wisdom of time, I've slowly learnt over the last month to move past my fear of her sleeping on her belly. Which is a huge blessing because now I actually sleep at night again and don't wake up to check on her every hour.
Of course once you overcome one thing another jumps straight into its place. She's now mastered the art of crawling and is already trying to climb everything. She's an expert at cruising along her cot, the coffee table and her toy box already. No wonder why us mums never have any energy at night, we've spent all day trying not to have a heart attack. I wish she would just slow down a bit instead of moving ahead at light speed. When did she start morphing into a toddler? I miss my little baby girl.
Please tell me the heart attack moments will pass...?
Toni xx
* Disclosure - I was gifted an INVENTA sleeping bag from the lovely team at Love to Dream after I mentioned in a previous post that we were going to use them. All opinions are my own based on our experience with the product and were in no way influenced by Love to Dream. I did not receive payment for this post.

Linking up with Grace, Eva, Kirsty and Alicia.

Wednesday, April 9, 2014

52 WEEKS OF MEMORIES | 14 - FEET

I couldn't wait for this week. Who doesn't love baby feet seriously. It's a bit harder to capture a photo of her feet these days now that shes mobile because she never wants to stay still, but I did snap two I really love. I've also thrown in some extras for you because... just because.

Get ready to soak up the cuteness!

14 | FEET

- My attempt at an arty shot of her feet -

My second favourite shot

Family feet shot {taken by Katharine Jarvie Photography}

Her teeny tiny feet when she was all brand new

If you would like to join in 52 weeks of memories you can find out how to play here. Feel free to share with your friends on facebook or instagram, the more who join in the better! You can follow me on Instagram @tones84 and join in on Facebook. When sharing via Instagram or Facebook don't forget to use the hashtag #fmy52weeksofmemories so I can see your lovely photos.

If you have a blog feel free to link up your photos via the linky below (please read the rules before linking) and come back each week to link up each new prompt. I will feature some of my favourite ones the following week - I'm being naughty and skipping the favourites this week because I've been dealing with a baby who refuses to sleep all week (forgive me?).

Reminder - next weeks prompt is making.

Toni xx

Also sharing with

Trish from My Little Drummer Boys

Bree from Twinkle in the eye

Raychael from Ms Mystery Case

An InLinkz Link-up

Tuesday, April 8, 2014

Mummy Must Have | Pixie Rug

Bub and I have been going to a mothers group since she was about 12 weeks old. I found mine by gate crashing one my friend was already in (her bub is six weeks older than mine) and lucky for me the other mums didn't mind. In fact all of the mums in our group are awesome and welcomed me with open arms. Ours is a group without judgement. The bubs are also all within six weeks of age so we are all going through the same things at the same time. These women have been a constant source of support and advice and I love the fact that our children are all forming lasting friendships as well. Bub is the only girl in the group so I imagine that she'll get more and more popular as they grow up!

In the beginning we used to meet up at various taverns or restaurants for lunch. It was easy because we could sit at a table, feed and cuddle the babies when needed and the rest of the time they'd sleep in their prams (on the good days). They were all immobile and relatively young so they were happy in the pram or our arms. The thing is though as babies get older they also get bigger and more importantly mobile. They're no longer happy to be restricted, they want to roam free - which as you can imagine is quite a problem when at a restaurant. So, we came to the point where we needed to move to having our meet ups at each others houses or local parks/pool etc. Basically anywhere that the babies can happily crawl about on a mat til their hearts content.

One of the best investments you'll make once you have kids is to buy a good quality picnic rug or mat. It's best to get a bigger one to start off with (which of course I didn't do), because they'll outgrow the small tummy time and bunny rugs quickly. There are so many rugs and play mats on the market its easy to get overwhelmed by it all. I personally wanted one that was over 1.5m long, had an easy to clean surface in case of spills (and bub also vomits a lot), had a bit of padding as bub was still a bit wobbly when I was searching for one and it needed to be easy to clean. When I first started looking I found heaps, but they ranged in price from $100-$199 and only had one or two of the features I was after. While I was prepared to pay for a good quality mat, I wasn't prepared to pay that much unless it had all the features I was looking for. Eventually I found the perfect one that ticked all my boxes and for only $85.

Pixie Rug - Mod Teal

The Pixie Rug has so many benefits that I was after, it truly has been the perfect rug for us. It's 2.2m x 1.6m which is great for mothers group get togethers as all the babies can easily fit on the rug with plenty of room to spare. There's also room for us mums to get in on the action too. It has a waterproof backing so its perfect for use on grass, sand or dirt. Hello beach trips! No more laying on annoying towels that end up buried in the sand. The top has nylon edging and the patterned section is durable cotton. The rug is also padded so its comfortable on little babies, and big peoples bums. It's perfect for taking to the park, pool, bbqs and picnics (even indoor ones).

I took it to the lagoon for our last mothers group meet up and it was great because the waterproof backing meant that none of the moisture on the ground got through to the mat. It also gave the babies a padded surface to play on instead of the wet, sand covered astro turf they had there.

The rug got a bit of sand on it at the lagoon (thanks to crawling babies who had to explore the astro turf), but I simply hung it over the washing line when I got home and it was good to go after a quick shake. If you need to wash it off the easiest way to do it is to just hose it off while its on the washing line and then let it drip dry. It also comes with a mesh storage bag for when its not in use. The bag has a carry strap which easily hung off my pram while we were out.

We've decided to use the pixie rug as our play mat at home too. Daddy loves it because it doesn't end up destroyed in five minutes like the dam abc mat (which still gets destroyed even when its packed away). Its so much easier having a rug that is all in one and it has enough padding to give her a break from our tile floor. Shes steady enough now that she doesn't flop over when shes sitting and she crawls properly so I'm not worried about her falling on it. If you have a tile floor and use this as a play mat and your bub is still a bit wobbly I'd put some pillows around or supervise them as if they have a proper face plant it will probably still hurt despite the padding.

The little terror about to cause havoc

Ten minutes later

New designs are constantly being added to the range of Pixie rugs available which can be purchased online here or from a range of stockists.

Toni x

Monday, April 7, 2014

Then and now {me before and after baby}

Last Monday I joined in with Kirsty from My Home Truths for I must confess and the theme was to link up a post from March last year. It was an awesome idea (not only because I didn't have to write a new post) because it gave me the chance to go back and read where I was at a year ago. This is essentially the whole reason why I started my blog, but I rarely get the chance to look back and re-read old posts (I blame the baby). I treat my blog as if its kind of an online diary. I write down all my honest thoughts and experiences in the hopes that I will have an accurate record of my life to look back on in years to come, and I hope that at some point my daughter will have the chance to read some of my blog and maybe better understand me as a person. I share it online with others to also connect with all of you guys who may be going through or have gone through similar experiences. There is strength in numbers and we can all battle through the hard times together and celebrate the successes as well.

Reading my posts from last March was quite interesting as back then I was five months pregnant. My gorgeous little bub still hadn't entered the world and I was full of intrigue as to how she would be and what life would be like after I became a mum. The post I shared from last March was about whether my personality would completely change once I became a mum. It's kind of funny reading it back now with hindsight. It certainly makes it obvious how much I over think and analyse things that other people probably don't even contemplate.

There is a great perspective change that comes when you transition to being a parent yourself. You have a much greater appreciation for what your parents went through. You also start seeing your parents as equals (or humans) rather than authority figures. I hope that one day bub will experience this perspective shift and see me as a real person, not just mum. Perhaps if she reads my blog it won't take her as long to come to this conclusion?

I was so worried that I would cease to exist as Toni and just be mum from now on. The truth is there are now two sides to my personality, but they are kind of fused together. To bub I am mum and only mum. Originally I feared this would happen, but now I embrace it. She's never known me as Toni, so how can I expect her to relate to me on that level? She's only ever known me as mum. From the moment we first met I was mum, I've never been anything else to her. I embrace it. I love that I am the one who can fix everything with a hug. I love that I am the one she wants to snuggle with as she falls asleep. I love that she feels safe with me. I love that we can laugh and be stupid together without the need for adult conversation. She allows me to explore the childlike side of me. I've discovered it's always been there, it was just laying dormant waiting for someone to awaken it.

On the flip side I am still me. Toni is still here. Despite spending most of my time with a tiny little human, I do also catch up with my friends weekly. Don't worry there's no binge drinking and all night partying going on (the babies do enough of that). This is the first time in my life I've been able to meet up with friends for lunch, have coffee (in my case tea) just because I want to have a chat or say yes to going shopping/movies/bbqs. Not being tied down by a full time job (at least for the moment) has meant I'm actually more free to socialise now than I've ever been. To all those people who said things like a baby will ruin your life or your life will be over now - HA! I go out way more now.

I don't feel like my personality has changed, I just feel as though its been extended. I've learnt new skills, like how to recite the theme songs to most of the kids shows on abc. How to impersonate Hoot and Peppa Pig. How to do almost everything with one hand and how to turn almost any daily task into a game.

This is me. I am just Toni with some added benefits thrown in.

{Like when you order a fry pan on the home shopping channel and get a free set of steak knives}

Did you have concerns before you had kids?

Did your personality change after?

Toni xx

Linking up with Eva, Kirsty and Alicia.

...................................................................................................

Have you heard about my photo challenge 52 weeks of memories?

You can read all about it here.

Wednesday, April 2, 2014

52 WEEKS OF MEMORIES | 13 - READING

Obviously bub is nowhere near reading herself yet, but I think reading to kids is important and why not start when they're babies? Most of her books are the touch and feel ones with crinkly pages aimed more at developing her senses. I did however manage to stumble across the sweetest little Winnie the Pooh baby books one day at Big W on sale for $2 (best accidental find ever). One of them is a pop up book, but that one requires supervision because someone's little fingers LOVE ripping up paper.

We had a little reading session this morning after she woke up. Its so hard to take a photo of her while I'm reading to her and shes pointing and pulling at the book. I was going to settle with an out of focus fuzzy photo, but then something really cute happened. When I went to make her bottle I was watching her and she crawled over to the book, opened it and sat there studying the pictures. So I grabbed my phone and snapped this photo.