Labour anxiety part 2

So after my little episode last week signalled my previously non existent labour anxiety I started freaking out about not being prepared. This mainly stems from the fact that I was born five and a half weeks early and my niece was born six and a half weeks early and being 33 weeks pregnant having had the complications that I've had recently it started me thinking that this might actually happen sometime soon. Obviously I'm hoping that she bakes a while longer, but I don't really want to be caught out.

Unfortunately when I was sent to the hospital the other night it meant that I missed half of the labour class. Which I was slightly panicked about. What if that hour contained all the important information I needed to know? What if I don't get a chance to ask all my questions before I go into labour? Am I going to be doing this blind? I had no idea what to expect still, except that at some point she will be coming out of me. The next day at my regular GP appointment I expressed these concerns to which my doctor told me that no matter how much you prepare it all goes to shit once the pain starts (seriously her words). So basically don't worry. She also said that its the most natural experience you can have, but it doesn't feel that way at the time. Yay thanks. She kind of calmed my anxiety about not being prepared because apparently I wont be anyway, but at the same time heightened my anxiety about the actual experience.

So off I went ignoring my own advice about searching the internet and decided to you tube a bunch of birth videos to see what its like. You know like One Born Every Minute. I love that show, but yes it does have a different effect on me watching it when I'm pregnant. Mainly I cry a lot more and get scared for the women and then happy for them and then cry more when the baby comes out. I found an awesome show called Don't just stand there I'm having your baby which is all about preparing fathers for the birth of their baby. Promptly shared those videos with T. They were actually really cool because you got to see completely unprepared men change and be really good birth partners in the end. It gives me great confidence that T will be ok and wont make the mistake of saying stupid stuff to me when I'm in immense pain. At least if he does he will only do it once!

The only problem with the videos was that two of them showed women who wanted to have natural births and then had complications and were told they needed c-sections. This really scared me because its like my worst nightmare. I really want to have a natural birth and I would be really disappointed in my body if I need to have a caesarean. I mean if its the only option at the time for her safe arrival then obviously I will have to deal with it, but I would really like to experience bringing my child into the world unassisted. One of the ladies ended up having an assisted delivery and the one had to have the caesar. I felt so bad for her. She was so disappointed and sad and I could feel her pain. I cried for ages. Then I started thinking what if that happens to me. At that point I decided to stop watching videos. I don't need to stress myself out about all the things that could go wrong. Its good to have it there far in the back of my mind so its not a huge surprise if it does happen, but I don't want to be thinking about it every second of every day. I prefer to remain positive that everything will be fine.

This week we had the labour physio class and that has made me feel much better about labour. They showed us all the positions which we can use in labour to relieve pain and also help to keep labour moving. It was basically all the things I thought I missed from the last class, which apparently I didn't miss at all. They also showed the guys how to massage us to provide pain relief. Score! Now T has no excuses.

Now I feel much more comfortable with the idea of labour and a lot less anxious about it. I'm pretty much taking the stance I had before about not worrying because it will happen and it will end. Now I just cant wait to meet her. I'm happy to say that we have made it to 34 weeks today. I would really like to make it to 37 weeks at least. Now all I'm worried about is when will it happen?

Toni xx