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Tuesday, February 5, 2013

I always thought I would be a unicorn

Sometimes things aren't as we imagined, but they are perfect anyway.

You know when you have been dreaming about something for years, so much so that you can imagine it down to every single detail? It's no secret that I have always wanted children. Even after all my fertility problems when it looked so out of reach I still believed that one day I would get there. I always believed that I would not just have children, but that I would be able to carry them myself. I was always going to get pregnant.

I have always imagined that I would love being pregnant. It would be smooth sailing. I would have lots of energy, my bump would slowly blossom and I would breeze through it all. No morning sickness to be had (that's mums fault she set me up for failure there by constantly telling me how she never got sick with either of us). After spending years waiting, thousands of dollars on treatment, being jabbed by countless needles and taking various medications to create our miracle, it would only be fair that the pregnancy itself should be simple. Right? You know the movie what to expect when your expecting? I wanted to be the magical pregnancy unicorn (minus the blonde hair and bimbo-ness).

About three months ago I found out that finally my dream had come true. After almost 4 years trying (just over 3yrs before and nearly 6 months with T) I was finally pregnant. I am pregnant. Just over 15 weeks along today. Although some days I still cant believe it, the doctors assure me that it is in there. I think my brain still partially believes that the baby lives on the screen at the ultrasound clinic and not actually in my belly. Although my belly is coming along quite nicely - like I have swallowed a beach ball and it is slowly inflating. I'm sure it will feel more real once I can feel it kick.

Unfortunately, my theory that I would be a magical pregnancy unicorn turned out to be wishful thinking. I did feel great for about two weeks. Then of course, after complaining that I didn't have any symptoms, they all hit me at about six and a half weeks. It's that awesome point in time where morning sickness starts (along with sore boobs, peeing all the time, bloating, gas, indigestion, food aversions etc). I don't know how my mother got no morning sickness and yet I ended up with it for six weeks straight. Just lucky I guess. Whoever called it morning sickness was lying too - its all day sickness! The only time I didn't feel sick was when I was asleep. Nobody really tells you about the bad or I guess less than favourable effects of pregnancy. All the magazines are all about all the perfect people and their perfect pregnancies. Turns out I am more like Wendy (from the movie). In fact almost exactly like Wendy, with the fertility struggles and everything its freaky how alike we are.

As much as I love it, it has also been crap at times.

I am happy to say that after I got past twelve weeks the sickness just kind of stopped as quickly as it started. I occasionally get sick every now and then, but that is nothing compared to feeling nauseous all day. It is true that they say the second trimester is when you feel your best. I don't really have any extra energy yet, but I am certainly feeling much better. I hope it continues like this for a few weeks. Maybe there is still time for me to transform into the magical unicorn afterall.

Although I have had a tough time in the first few months I am still so very grateful that this has happened. Even though it hasn't been how I imagined, it is still perfect in every way.

Don't give up on your dreams, you never know when they will be fulfilled.

Toni xx

Would you like to comment?

  1. Wow, just popped round to catch-up and you're pregnant. A very big CONGRATULATIONS from me. I'm sure you're over the moon, considering everything that has happened in the past. Are you looking forward to a boy or girl, or does it not matter? Are you taking monthly pictures of your growing baby? Something to show them when they get older.

    Oh, I feel so happy for you. I'm glad that your dreams came true, and now I must work on my dreams. Take Care.

    1. Yes I am so excited. I dont mind if its a boy or girl, but T really wants a girl. Im taking photos, maybe at some point I will have the courage to put some on here.

  2. Congratulations on your pregnancy, Toni. Many of the symptoms you're having will resolve within the second trimester. The actress you're referring to (Elizabeth Banks) has had her own struggle with infertility, and has two sons that were born via gestational surrogate.

  3. Congrats! Always nice to see people get what they are really striving for!

  4. Congratulations! You're embarking on an incredible adventure. Being a parent is an indescribably magical thing.

  5. Congrats!
    Funny coincident is that the day of this post is my birthday. Ahhahaha!

    PS: I am your new follower.