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Friday, December 14, 2012

He is my happy ending

After I separated from my ex-husband I never thought that I would have a happy ending. My first attempt at marriage wasn't happy and was far from perfect. How was I ever going to find the perfect man or perfect relationship? I didn't even know what perfect was. All I knew was what I didn't want to do again.

I was horrified (ok horrified is a strong word, maybe really scared) that I would never find anyone again, let alone find someone who was perfect. Even though I felt this way I was also realistic and wasn't going to settle again just in order to have someone in my life. I would rather be alone than to be with someone who treats me badly (I still firmly believe this today). So, off I went on the journey of the rest of my life alone and happy to be that way. Not looking for anyone. I was on a journey of rediscovery, focusing on me and my loves and needs - for the first time in my life.

You know what they say.... you always find what you're looking for when you're not looking for it. We met totally by chance and there was some tiny niggling little part of my subconscious that made me decide to go there. To open myself up. To be vulnerable again. Still I had no expectations - I wasn't going to get high hopes and be let down, not after all the crap I had already been through. After a few weeks I came to the realisation that yes we were infact dating (I guess you can call it that?) or boyfriend and girlfriend even though that sounds so highschool. I really don't know what the correct term is for two people in their mid twenties who see each other four or five times a week, but don't go on official dates because its too awkward (and nerve-racking). Whatever it is it fit nicely into the "in a relationship" status on facebook which I finally succumbed to after about 6 or 7 weeks.

Sometime after that we moved in together then days turn into weeks and weeks turn into months. Then after a while you forget how long its been, you forget everything that came before and you cant imagine life ever being anything other than what it is now. Its amazing how the mind can block out bad memories from the past and allow you to focus solely on the good happening right now. Its also amazing how despite having no clue what my perfect relationship would be, I managed to find it. I somewhat accidentally went from being happily single to happily in a relationship and now to happily engaged.

He is my happy ending, or rather my happy beginning (because I certainly don't want this to end). This is my perfect relationship even though he is not a completely perfect man. He has his drawbacks, like snoring and spending too much time playing play station. But, you know what, I wouldn't have it any other way because then he wouldn't be who he is. He is my T, my love, my everything, my future and my happiness (at least a big part of it).

This is what my happiness looks like

Our relationship is ever evolving and I think for the most part we are just making it up as we go along but that seems to be working fine for now. Being free of expectations and plans and living in the moment is working very well. Everyone has the opportunity to be happy again, no matter what has happened in the past. Happy endings (or beginnings, however you want to see it) really are incredible and so very special.

Toni xx

Would you like to comment?

  1. It always seems like that's how life works, you finally give up, proclaim that your done looking, and then trip over what you were looking for. Its almost like life forces you to want to give up, so you can appreciate finding it more.... I know this happened to me, I found the love of my life, after finally giving up on ever finding love again. And what a crazy story it all was....

  2. I'm so happy for you. All the great and precious things in our lives enter by way of chance. You don't have to do a thing, except accept and enjoy them.