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Monday, September 24, 2012

A journey through the past and into the future

There are times in our lives when we need reassurance. When we turn outside ourselves and want to know that what we are doing is right and that we are headed in the right direction. I didn't know that I needed reassurance, however the last few weeks it seems I have been on a journey. A very internal one dealing with my past issues and what that means for my future. Trying to organise everything in my mind and make sense of it all for the fifty millionth time in my life. As you will have noticed it has played out on here.

The past week I feel as though I have taken the journey out of my mind and been playing it out in real life as well. I have had catch ups with my Aunty and Uncle and also a catch up with one of my closest friends. Both well over due and both happened on the same day... a very long fifteen hour day that involved a lot of travelling. It was totally worth it.

My friend is into Tarot cards and has her own set and I had the opportunity to do a reading with her. I've always been interested in the idea, but also very apprehensive. You see I have always been worried that I would do a reading and pull out all the really bad cards. Not that I know what the really bad cards even are, I just know they are in there somewhere. So, with a bit of apprehension, a lot of intrigue and a desire for guidance and reassurance I sat down and did a reading.

I don't know why I was worried in the first place. After following my intuition and picking the cards I was drawn to I was pleasantly surprised that I didn't pick the bad cards. In fact, the cards I picked were awesome and all related to my journey completely. I did pick one less than favourable card, but as fate would have it I picked it upside down, which is actually good - yay me. The cards that came up were all positive and helped to put my mind at ease. I am on the right path, the one thing I am wishing for will be granted and I have the right tools to travel the journey correctly this time. I have felt better since the reading. A little more content within myself, a little less second guessing and asking myself why. Sometimes it is good to reach out and seek guidance outside your comfort zone. It certainly has helped me this week. It has also reaffirmed my belief that everything happens for a reason.

The catch up with my Aunty and Uncle was about exploring the past. Finding out more about my dad and who he was before I was born. Getting my emotions out about his death has made it obvious to me that it is important to find out who he was as a person, before I existed. Before it all went to crap. I have only now as an adult decided that I am ready to explore this. I have already found out things that I didn't know before. I know it will not make me ok with what happened, there is nothing that will make me ok with it. But, to know who he was and what he was like then will help resolve some of those questions that have been going around in my head for the past few years. So I am ready to go there. It will probably be a long process, but I am ready and it will be ok.

Thanks to my wonderful friend and family I am ready to explore the past with open eyes and ready to face the future with reassurance. A single step at a time.

Toni x

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