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Monday, August 24, 2015

10 blogging tips from Problogger

For the past two years I've been watching on from afar at all the lucky bloggers attending Problogger each year wishing I was a part of it all. This year was finally my year. I finally indulged my fomo and packed my bags, left bub at home and went off on my own blogging adventure for the weekend. Amongst all the amazing food, networking, partying, and did I mention the amazing food, I actually managed to squeeze in quite a bit of learning as well. I learnt so much over the course of two days that my brain still has lots of processing to do, but these are my top 10 blogging tips from the 2015 Problogger conference.
Finding Myself Young: 10 blogging tips from Problogger

10 THINGS I LEARNT FROM PROBLOGGER


1. I am a glow stick
Without a doubt one of the most inspirational speeches of the entire weekend was from Jadah Sellner{of Simple Green Smoothies fame}. A lot of the points below were also touched on in her speech, but the biggest takeaway was the slide at the end. Its okay to be a glow stick - sometimes we need to break before we shine.
Its okay to be a glowstick, sometimes we need to break before we shine.
I doubt I could find a quote more relevant to me if I trawled through Pinterest for days. I've been broken many times throughout my life, and in many different ways, yet each time I put myself back together and soldier on. I don't know that I'm actually shining yet, but I very much relate to the metaphor that sometimes you have to be broken before you can shine. Sometimes just coming out of the situation that broke you is enough to make you shine brighter than you did before. 

2. Do your own thing
Don't fall into the trap of following what others do, just be yourself and do your own thing. Trying to copy what another person does will rarely work because you're not them. At the end of the day your readers come to read your blog because they love YOU. They like the way you do things, there's no need to be anyone else.

3. Write in your own voice
Be true to yourself and write the same way you speak in real life. Your blog should be like a conversation between friends. I already do this naturally, minus the swearing. I fear you would all up and leave if I swore as much as I do in real life. That's a lie I don't swear at all *cough* I just choked on my drink.

4. Be more confident
No matter how many followers I have on Facebook or how much interaction I get on the blog or social media, there's still a part of me that doesn't believe I'm good at all this. I still feel like a fraud {but I have no idea why}. I've learnt over the weekend that I really need to be more confident in my abilities and believe in what I do. I also need to learn to take it on board when people tell me I'm a good writer, instead of fobbing it off or making excuses. We all need to work on taking compliments better, people don't give them out for no reason.

5. Don't be afraid to fail
This is something I really need to get over. Even though I've been blogging now for over 3 and a half years there are still times when I don't do things I want to do, because I'm scared I'll fail. Times when I'm too worried about the judgement of others. I've decided next year is the year where I DO all the things I want to do and action all the ideas I have swirling around in my head. I already have something in the pipeline and I can't wait to share it with everyone.

6. There is not one magical way that works.
I think so many people go to conferences like Problogger in the hope of finding that one magical key tip that's going to change their lives and make them an overnight success. I'd even go further than that and say people were expecting a step by step list of how to be successful. I came away from Problogger with a list of notes on how I could try and make my blog better, but moreso with an overwhelming confirmation that there is not one magical way that works for every blogger. The key to success is to simply try, try and try again until you find what works for YOU. What works for you more than likely may not work for others. I honestly don't think there's a quick way to be a successful blogger because it takes a lot of time and effort to foster a loyal and engaged community of readers {they don't just appear overnight}.

7. There must be a pay off for your readers
As much as us bloggers can be a self indulgent bunch of people, because well der we write about ourselves all the time, our blog is not only for us. There has to be something in it for the readers. This isn't a new notion to me, its always floating around in the back of my subconcious. I always try to give my readers something from every post, whether it be inspiration, general advice, laughter or more obvious things like prizes from giveaways, but I'm not sure if I hit the mark all the time. I'm going to keep this more in the forefront of my mind as I write posts going forward and try where possible to offer more value to my readers.

8. Change lives
There was a lot of talk over the weekend about WHY you write. I primarily write to leave a footprint, but I've decided I don't want to just leave a footprint, I really do want to change lives. Not on a grand scale by creating world peace or anything like that, but I want to use the struggles I've been through to touch the hearts of others and let them know that they're not alone. To assure them that others have been on the same journey as them and come out the other side. Not only does it give a purpose to all the struggles I went through, but it also gives meaning to others at the same time.

That's why I've shared my journey with postnatal depression and why I'm actually grateful for going through that experience. Its why I share what it was like having a parent who committed suicide. Its why I also share bub's allergy issues for other parents who may have children dealing with the same issues and be feeling just as lost as I was in the beginning. By sharing our stories we can all grow and learn, and help each other.

9. Be more organised
I definitely need to be more organised, I'm sure we all do to some extent. I know this is something I really need to work on. I need to make better use of batch writing and my editorial calendar so that I'm not up at 10pm each night writing blog posts like a mad woman crazy sleep deprived mum the night before I publish them. I've started putting more effort into planning and jotting down ideas on actual paper as I have them, instead of storing them in the deep depths of my brain hoping I can find them again at a later date. Its my dream to one day be fully organised and have a proper office and know exactly what I'm doing one week to the next. I'm slowly trying to get there, but I'm not sure if I can really make huge changes with a 2yr old ruling the household at the moment. But we can all dream.

creative mess

10. You're nuts trying to blog with a 2yr old.
Ok so this one technically came from after the conference when I asked in a Facebook group exactly how I'm meant to find the time to be organised with blogging while I have a 2yr old climbing on me/screaming at me/throwing toys at me/trying to sit on my laptop... and there were generally two types of responses. Keep her occupied with tv or send her to daycare... or just give up because I'm crazy trying to blog with a 2yr old in the first place. Ok to be fair there were some relatively useful tips in there too, but the general consensus is that I'm nuts for blogging with a toddler on the loose and I have to say I don't entirely disagree with that, but I'll soldier on regardless because I'm a gluten for punishment its my passion.

Friday, August 21, 2015

Its ok to leave your children and do things for yourself

I attended Problogger {a big blogging conference} this past weekend on the Gold Coast and it was the first time I've been away from bub overnight ever. Literally since the day she was born. 

I never intended to be one of those parents who doesn't let their kids sleep over anywhere else, but its just ended up that way. Mum hasn't really had any interest in having her stay and T's mum lives in another state so the opportunity just hasn't come up. She also doesn't go to daycare because of her allergies so I'm used to spending all of my time with her. I was definitely more nervous about leaving her behind than I was about attending the conference.

Don't get me wrong I was scared of attending an event with 700 people, petrified even, but I thought my separation anxiety from bub would far outweigh any networking nerves. Even though I'm an introvert.

I expected to be checking my phone all the time for updates from home. I thought for sure I'd be the neurotic one calling home during all the breaks just to make sure everything was ok {i.e she wasn't dead - yep I am that paranoid at times}. I even second guessed going on more than a few occasions because I convinced myself something catastrophic would go wrong if I wasn't with her. My anxiety stems from dad dying when I was younger, not because I don't trust T, and I'm very aware of that so I pushed through it and went to the conference.

It turns out being away from her was actually a good thing. 2yrs without a break is a long time and I didn't realise just how much I needed a break until I took one. Being a mum is constantly exhausting, both physically and emotionally. Being able to switch off my "mum brain" for a few days and not be in a heightened state of awareness constantly was amazing. Although I was still busy, I wasn't having to continuously watch her or worry about her or entertain her. I could just be me, without my mum hat on, and that was kind of refreshing.

It was nice to remember what life was like before I had kids. Not that I attended conferences before kids, but just the simple things like only being responsible for myself, being able to spend time getting ready before I go out {actually getting to wear makeup and do my hair}, not needing to pack a nappy bag... etc etc. I'm sure you get the point. Being a mum has become my life and I kind of forgot what it was like to be me.

Instead of freaking out the whole time I thoroughly enjoyed my time out. So much so that I told Cate on the last day that I almost felt guilty for not feeling guilty about being away from her. Instead of causing me to have a breakdown, being away from her actually taught me quite a few good lessons.

The lessons I learnt from facing my separation anxiety. www.findingmyselfyoung.com

We are separate people and its ok to be apart from each other. Sounds obvious right? The first few months of her life though it felt like we were constantly attached and I quickly established the notion that we couldn't function without each other {yes I realise that makes me sound somewhat crazy}. It was nice to realise that I can leave her with someone else and she'll be ok. We'll both be ok.

I am me as well as a mum. Like I said above, I feel like I've just morphed into a mum and its consumed who I am as a person, but being by myself made me realise the old Toni is still there. I just had to peel back the layers to find her.

Daddy is capable of looking after her {even if it is in his own unique way}. Yes he does things wrong different, but that isn't necessarily a bad thing + she survived.

I appreciate time with her more after being away from her. Not that I don't appreciate time with her anyway, but her cuddles are ten times more amazing when I haven't had them for a few days. Absence makes the heart grow fonder and all that other cliché jazz.

I'm not as neurotic as I think I am. I didn't stalk my phone for messages. I wasn't calling every break or even every day. I was actually a lot more calm about it than I ever expected to be. Besides once daddy texted me a photo of the spaghetti he'd cooked from scratch I realised he'd be fine. Who knew a photo of spaghetti could have the same effect as Valium?

Its so awesome to have a break from ABC Kids. It never even occurred to me before I left that going away for 3 days meant not having to listen to Curious George or Bing or Tom or Peppa on repeat a thousand times each day. It was the silver lining to an awesome weekend. Although I am back rocking it out to Lah-Lah around the lounge room again now.

I do remember how to "adult". Since I had bub 99% of my conversations with other people revolve around her, or parenting. So even when I'm talking to other adults its usually always revolved around kids. This weekend I had lots of conversation that didn't involve kids at all! I actually remembered how to have a conversation and not instinctively make it all about bub. That my friends is an achievement.

Coming back home its been abundantly clear that she's benefited from the time away from me too. Daddy has a totally different approach to parenting than me. He's the fly by the seat of your pants, have fun, do what you want kind of parent. Basically every kids dream, because he's a kid himself. She's clearly loved having late bed times, no day time naps, honey toast and frozen coke for 3 days... I'm just taking an out of sight out of mind approach to all this so I don't get caught up in how unhealthy she ate while I was away. Even with all the "bad food" I still think having that extra bit of freedom and nothing but fun for a weekend was good for her, plus I love the fact that her and T got time to bond together and make their own memories.

Perhaps I should make going away a regular thing?

Finding Myself Young: Sometimes the best way to overcome anxiety is to be scared of something and do it anyway.


Do/did you spend time away from your kids to do things just for you?

Toni x