Tuesday, November 11, 2014

When is it the right time to have another baby?

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That's the million dollar question isn't it?

It's one we've been pondering a lot for the last few weeks. Seems I've got a serious case of baby fever... I've been so dam clucky lately. Of course my family have been asking when we're having another baby ever since bub turned one. There must be some unwritten law that once your first child turns one you must immediately provide your parents with another grandchild. If you don't you will be continuously nagged at every opportunity until you do provide requested grandchild, at least that's what I think their plan is.

It seems our parents aren't the only ones who have an opinion on when we should have another baby. Checkout chicks at the supermarket and little old ladies at the shops are particularly fond of asking "ohh she's so cute, how old is she?" which is promptly followed by "are you planning on having another one soon?". I get there's a genuine fascination with such things, I do. And that babies make strangers gravitate towards you, but the interest has been particularly heightened now that the Duke and Duchess are expecting again. You see bub and Prince George are only a few days apart... so naturally I had better hurry up and get pregnant again because Kate already is... at least that's what everyone keeps telling me

Thanks for the added pressure Kate...

Seriously though we have been discussing the issue of when the right time would be for us to have another baby, regardless of what the general public may think. We haven't come up with an answer yet (yea sorry this post isn't a pregnancy announcement), but we have come up with the following list of factors that should be considered.



10 FACTORS TO CONSIDER WHEN PLANNING ANOTHER BABY

1. The age gap. I'm pretty sure this is the first thing that pops into everyone's mind when they're considering adding to their brood. If they're too close it'll be harder, but they could end up being best friends. If they're too far apart chances are they won't be interested in the same things so won't play together much. Then the omg what if I have them close together and I end up with twins factor comes into play. You may laugh, but I know two people who've had this happen and ended up with 3 under 3 and 3 under 2, it does happen.

2. Can baby number one walk & talk? This one is high on the list of factors to consider for me personally. I never wanted to be carrying two babies around everywhere at the same time. Similarly I also don't want to have two babies who can only communicate via crying (assuming I don't end up with twins!). We've overcome the walking barrier and are currently working on the talking part. It's just a case of do I wait until she can talk or get pregnant and hope she can talk a lot more by the end of the nine months? Jury is still out on that decision.

3. The nappy Situation. Everybody is quick to say "don't have another baby until the first one is out of nappies". Personally the idea doesn't bother me that much. She's only using 4 or 5 nappies a day now and doesn't require a nappy change at night so that's not that much to handle compared to a newborn. Also since we moved to nappy pants her nappy changes have gotten much easier and aren't a massive battle anymore. I also think it'd be easier to deal with a newborn while having a toddler in nappies, rather than a toddler who's toilet training and pooping and peeing all over the floor. I could be wrong though as I've never gone through the toilet training experience, but I hear it isn't good. The less time I have to spend cleaning excrement off the floor the better (especially when the squishy newborn will be doing tummy time on said floor).

4. Money. It always rears its ugly head when there's a big decision to be made doesn't it? I figure there's never going to be enough to live the way I'd like to live, but if there's enough to get by comfortably at a standard we can accept then that's ok.

5. Sleep deprivation. Isn't it amazing how we can magically forget all the horrible months of sleep deprivation hell. I've just become accustomed to getting six hours uninterrupted sleep at night and I honestly don't know that my body could handle going back to broken sleep just yet. The thought actually scares me.

6. Pregnancy side effects. I didn't have the easiest pregnancy. Although customers at work were telling me I looked great while pregnant, I most certainly didn't feel that way (at least not at the end). I got psd which means my pelvis was separating from 30 weeks. As you can imagine it didn't feel great, in fact at some points I couldn't walk. I had to finish up work earlier than planned and pretty much stay on bed rest for nearly two weeks until the pain subsided a bit, but then it came back even worse later on. I also ended up with carpel tunnel in both wrists and had to wear braces 24/7 (except while showering). On top of that I got pupp rash in the last week and ended up covered in a hideous, insanely itchy, rash which didn't go away until after she was born. Forgive me for not wanting to jump back into that again anytime soon. Each condition happened randomly so there's a possibility that I won't experience any of it the second time around, but I'm not sure if I'm ready to take my chances yet.

7. Is Kate pregnant? Just kidding.


8. Fertility issues. This one won't apply to everyone, but for us its a reality. It makes the process a little harder to predict because we could end up taking over a year to fall pregnant (or not fall pregnant at all) from the time we start trying. So its a case of do we start trying a few months before we'd ideally like to get pregnant, assuming it'll take that long; or do we stick to our preferred time and then hope it doesn't take months upon months to conceive. Considering it took me nearly four years to fall pregnant the first time, this is weighing heavily on our decision.


9. All the other stuff like will I need to buy a double pram? Will I be able to handle going out in public with two kids by myself or will she just dart off while I'm attending to the baby? 

10. Will I lose my mind? When he goes back to work will I just completely lose it having to look after two children by myself all day? Am I likely to get post natal depression again? 


In the end I don't really know that there will ever be a right time to have another baby, especially when there are so many factors at play. Chances are we won't ever be able to tick all the boxes at the same time. In the end I think it'll come down to our gut feeling on when we think we could handle adding another little spawn darling to our family and whether we are even able to get pregnant again. Rest assured if when it does happen I will let you all know (yes mum I will tell you first before announcing it on my blog, you don't need to text me).

Anyone have any tips on when the right time is?


Toni x

Linking with Jess


This post is part of a Nuffnang native advertising series.


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63 comments:

  1. Golly, you've put together a thorough list. Love #7 too! Good luck with your planning, Tonia (stopping by for IBOT)

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    1. Yep number 7 seems to be the one on everyone's mind :)

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  2. Toni, you should definitely consider all the things mentioned when questioning when's the right time but, I believe any time is the right time cause if we planned the right time ... we'd never find/do it.

    Prior having our first child we always had a list of things we wanted to do before we had kids, then I found out I was pregnant. Secretly I thought my world was over, but to my surprise it wasn't. We got to tick a few more things on my list and do things I never even considered since having our son.

    Again before we had our second we had a new list of things we wanted to achieve before we grew our brood eg. buy our forever home, save more money etc ... but again we found our I was pregnant. And again despite not planning or thinking it was the right time to have another baby, the timing was perfect and surprised we were still able to tick off some things. Eg buy a house

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    1. Yea I think if we tried to time it perfectly it'd never happen too. I think I'm kind of hoping if I do start planning it then maybe it'll magically happen. I think babies do tend to come when they're meant to because bub came at the perfect time even though we were told it wouldn't work and we'd need to do IVF.

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  3. Ah fudge! Just wrote a huge response and not sure if it submitted because my computer glitched :(

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    1. Write it again, write it again! I love long comments :)

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  4. I don't know that any particular time is "perfect" Toni. You're the only one to know when is right for you, but your research is pretty amazing!!
    I had Bell 4 weeks before my 39th birthday, so that kind of decided it for us. x

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    1. Yea I like to over think things! My age is on my mind too even though I'm only 30 we want to have two more kids if possible and knowing it may take years to get pregnant I'm thinking I should probably start sooner rather than later.

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  5. Honestly I don't there is ever a 'right' time, it happens if and when it is meant to happen I guess. When Punky was 10 months old Dave and I spoke about when we should start trying for number two, and decided we would wait until March the following year (it was October) after we had been bridesmaid and groomsman at our good friends' wedding. 2 weeks later I was peeing on a stick and looking at a positive pregnancy test! So the decision was made for us really! It was a much smaller gap than we had planned (only just 20 months) and I dreaded the thought of having 2 under 2, but it all worked out in the end and now I wouldn't change it for anything.
    (Visiting on behalf of #teamIBOT today x)

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    1. Sounds like a very similar situation to us only I never got the positive pregnancy test. I did take one though about a month ago and was both disappointed and relieved that it was negative. I guess time will tell when it'll end up happening. At the moment we're still planning on waiting a bit longer.

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  6. Thanks so much for sharing this post at the Toddler Tuesday Link Up Party! Some great tips (and I love how you added Is Kate Pregnant? lol)

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    1. I'm a bit of a smartass like that haha.

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  7. I think you hit the nail on the head when your said you should go with your gut instinct as there never seems to be a "right" time for every factor you consider. I truly believe we all end up coping with what we are blessed with. Having had twins then one, I did have three under four which I wouldn't have thought I could cope with but I did. You just do what you have to do, although it does get crazy for a while!
    P.S. Don't assume just because it took 4 years the first time it will take a long time again with the second. Quite often the second seems to happen alot quicker - in our case it certainly did!

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    1. My Aunty had 3 under 2 because she had twins then an unexpected second pregnancy. I'm sure she had a lot of crazy times when they were young too.

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  8. Kate has endless funds, a number of nanny's, chefs, assistants etc etc. Of course she feels up to having another so soon. It is her job to produce another potential heir. Seriously it is. It would be ridic to compare yourself to her.

    It's hard to know and perhaps there is no perfect time. I personally wanted to be getting some sleep again before I embarked on number 2 and I wanted to have at least a 6 month break from breastfeeding before I got pregnant again (I fed till Little Vick was 18 months). I think your heart will tell you when to jump xx

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    1. My heart tells me to sleep lol. I know its ridiculous to compare myself to Kate, I have to stop myself from laughing at people when they tell me I need to hurry up because shes into number 2 already. Just like they all said I got pregnant with Hayley because Kate was pregnant (nope I actually got pregnant 3 months before she even announced it so I'd have to be psychic to have planned that, but still everyone - especially the little old ladies, believed I did it on purpose).

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  9. It's hard to decide isn't it! Number 2 and 5 are big for me!

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    1. Yea the sleep deprivation is the kicker here too I think.

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  10. Did you get my last comment? Anyway, my daughters are 2 years and nine months and it's really lovely. Elka was old enough to engage with her birth, and still remember it, but they are close enough to play like friends. x

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    1. Yea I was thinking 2-3 years would be a good age gap. My brother and I are 2yrs and 3 months apart.

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  11. You will know in your heart when it's the right time, Toni. You're doing the right thing thinking it all through and making sure you're physically and mentally prepared. My girls are two years and three months apart. It is hard work, but I love seeing the special bond growing between them. Our first was an IVF baby. We decided to not go on any contraception after her and see what happens. We were just talking about starting IVF again when we were very surprised to find out that I conceived naturally the second time around. Good luck :)

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    1. I only went back on contraception to control my period really otherwise I probably wouldn't have bothered. I have my fingers crossed for a surprise pregnancy when we decide to try again, but I doubt it'll happen, but one can only hope. I don't know that I could cope with all the needles involved with IVF.

      My brother and I are 2yrs and 3 months apart too.

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  12. There is no right time and whatever gap you have becomes the right gap. There is never enough money & I've never understood the nappy thing - nappies are easy! Or is that the cost?

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    1. The nappy issue isn't really an issue to me either, but everyone seems to go on about it. You're so right that every age gap becomes the right gap because they won't know any different anyway.

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  13. I'm with everyone else, there really in no 'right' time. There won't be a specific time where every consideration and aspect will aline perfectly to create that magical right time.
    I know we worried about it, too and wanted our kids close in age as both my husband and I have much younger siblings. So, my first and second are 15 months apart and second and third are 23 months apart - all up there is 3 years and 3 months between them. And, now, I am 16 weeks pregnant with number 4 and it's freaking me out a little. My youngest is 4 and this gap is bigger than the time from one to 3, which just seems nuts. I almost feel like I can't remember what to do with a baby!

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    1. Haha with 3 kids already I'm sure the baby stuff will come flooding back. I already feel like I've forgotten it all and its only been 15 months since she was born.

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  14. A 3year gap is good, in terms of it all and then when Number 2 hits the terrible twos the eldest is at school :-)

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    1. I never even thought of the school factor! I like that idea.

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    2. It does make a big difference! :-)

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  15. I don't know if there really is ever a good time. Life likes to throw us little curve balls to make sure we are paying attention sometimes! I have decided that one is enough for us, and it's so hard for people to comprehend. I keep getting told that I will change my mind. All of my friends have had second babies since I had Dyllan and I've loved nursing the newborns. However what I have enjoyed more is getting to hand them back!

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    1. LOL you sound like my mum Tegan... she loves being a grandma cos she can hand them back.
      I think no matter what we all chose to everybody seems to have an opinion about it.

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  16. I don't think there is ever a right time. Knowing we had fertility issues and would need medical help we started back with trying 10 months after my son was born... Ideally I would have liked a 3 year gap but that's long passed now - he will be 5 in January and still an only child. I always said that when he turned 5 we would be done because of the age gap but my sister's kids are 6 and a half years apart and they're fine.

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    1. I don't know that I could ever be done trying again, I mean I'd definitely get to the point where I wouldn't want to emotionally do it anymore, but I don't know that I could close the door forever.

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  17. I honestly don't think any time is the right time because there's always going to be some sort of downside to the time that it ends up being. For me, the only thing that will determine if it's the right time is when my body allows it. It was the right time for us a whole year ago but my body was the one that decided it wasn't so that really throws everything else out the window.

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    1. I think ultimately my body will be the deciding factor for when its right for us too.

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  18. I'm not sure there is a perfect time. It's going to be hard for a while regardless. My two are 2 years and 3 months apart, and it was really difficult for a while there (and sometimes it still is), but you make your situation work somehow, and now I wouldn't have it any other way. xx

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    1. 2 years and 3 months seems to be a popular age gap Danya. I figure if people can have twins and deal with two newborns and then two toddlers at the same time it should be possible to deal with whatever we end up with :)

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  19. What about your siblings or your partners siblings do they have children, whats sort of age gaps do they have, do they like their childrens age gaps?

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    1. My nieces are only 17 months apart so if we have another one even now they'd be further apart than the girls are. They started trying for another when the first was only five months old, but it took a few months for them to conceive again. I don't think I'm as enthusiastic as they were though. Although I wouldn't be entirely opposed to getting pregnant now (my daughters 15 months at the moment).

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  20. I think you hit the nail on the head that there is no perfect time and you may never tick all the boxes. In the end biology is the determining factor so my advice would be start trying as soon as you would feel comfortable falling pregnant and go for it... have a best case senario yo aim for but know you will be ok and happy if you fall before that time. I have had a couple of friends struggle to fall the first time and then the second time they practically just looked at each other before falling again. Good luck, it's a tough decision. Personally we have a 23 month age gap. We knew we wanted them close in age (2yrs) and started trying when our eldest turned 1. I found the transition from 1 to 2 easier than I expected. Maybe I made it out to be worse in my mind and was pleasantly surprised or by comparison to the awful morning sickness I had 2 was a breeze! Jx

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    1. I have a few friends who struggled with the first one and then fell pregnant with the second one straight away (some by accident) as well. I'm hoping the transition to 2 will be easier than I think in my head too!

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  21. I've found myself thinking a lot about this recently since my little baby girl is turning one next month (yikes!! where did time go?) but again, it's never that easy with so many factors to consider...plus it's not as if it's a button where you automatically get pregnant when you want to get pregnant.

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    1. It'd be so much easier if I had a magic button I could press!

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  22. There is no perfect time to have a baby. I'm actually glad I'm over this stage of planning when to have a baby because there were so many factors to consider. In the end we didn't decide and let nature run its course. If I was on IVF I would be doing it straight away.

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    1. I don't know how you do it Bec I think I would've freaked out if I got pregnant when you did, but you're so good at it.

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  23. My first two were 18 months apart. We had fallen pregnant by accident so I wasn't sure whether I would have fertility issues or not. As it usually takes 6 months or more of trying and we were shooting for a 2 year age gap, we started trying just before Gilbert's first birthday. Turns out I had no problems conceiving...! We then waited 4 and a half years before Delilah came along. There are pros and cons to each gap but I just consider myself lucky to have been blessed with my three little bears. Good luck when the time comes Toni x

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    1. Yea ultimately I'll be over the moon just to have another baby regardless of the age gap.

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  24. Great post! It took us awhile to decide IF we wanted another one - and now I'm pregnant :) my 2 will be five years apart. I think that length of time is enough distance that I've forgotten about the sleep deprivation stage! ha. Personally, I think when the time feels right, mama knows! Stopping by from SITS!

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    1. Haha yes after five years I think the sleep deprivation might be a bit of a shock! Somehow we manage through it though.

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  25. Honestly hun, I too battle with this and in the end we decided to wait a year between each before we started trying and then fate decide if and when from there. The gap between the first two was 3 years and 2 years between second and third. The bigger age gap was much easier in hindsight and if I was to go for the fourth... a 5 year gap would have been ideal in my mind xx

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    1. Trent always jokes that we'll go for a fourth a few years after being done with having babies and I used to say NO WAY, but now I could actually see myself doing just that. Babies are so addictive.

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  26. Great post Toni.
    We have 2 years & 3 months between our first 2 which meant I fell pregnant when our first was 18 months. I wouldn't change a thing! However with our 3rd we had a 4 year gap, the first 2 were keeping me on my toes and I wasn't even sure for a few years if there would be a 3rd but when our 2nd was 3 I got clucky and you know when you're 'Clucky' and I think its a good sign that your ready. Financially I really don't think there is ever a perfect time but somehow we all just manage to work within our means, you can't spend what you don't have! As long as both parents are on the same page and thinking similar things I say go for it! And good luck xx

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    1. Shes 15 months at the moment and I'm definitely getting clucky! I'm thinking when shes 18 months would be a good time :)

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  27. Hahaha - "Is Kate pregnant?" . Love It!! x

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    1. Trust me its the bane of my existence at the moment lol.

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  28. #10 is what's stopping me! I'm pretty sure I'd lose my mind if I had another :)

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  29. Great post! Loved your last point, and I agree - you've got to look at how much you can handle - mentally, emotionally, physically. I can only do so much 'thinking of 20 things at once', and I know I can get flustered and impatient and snappy - particularly around dinner time - so I'm a bit hesitant to have another at the moment... I'd hate to turn into a banshee full time - it's not fair on anyone. Anyway, Missy is now 3.5 and I think everyone's given up asking us! Good luck with the decision, Eliza xx

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    1. Yea I think once you get past 3 they kind of give up asking, which is probably a good thing.

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  30. Great list (and yes, what is with the whole Duchess of Cambridge comparison…she can have all the nannies in the world looking after children!), Toni. Personally, I don't think there's ever a "perfect" time to have children. It's one of those things you look back in hindsight and go, "Yup, wouldn't have done it any other way" because well, you won't know any other way. People say they could never have twins. But that's because they didn't have to. You could if that's the only choice given to you.

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    1. True Grace. I always think I don't know how I'd handle twins, but its so true that if you have them you don't know any different and you'd handle them because you have to.

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  31. Yes kate is so ?? kidding. Having hyper memsis for my pregnancies i know there is never a right time! blurgghhhhhh i'm so done!
    thanks for sharing for sunday brunch xx

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  32. Hi Toni! Letting you know the Toddler Tuesday Link Party will open later this evening (9pm WA time). You will be pleased to know this post received the most clicks at the last link up and will be featured tonight! Hope to see you there!

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