Friday, September 26, 2014

Growing up isn't all that bad

For the last few weeks I've been feeling really reflective. It started just before bub turned one and it continued for a little while after. There's nothing like a milestone to make you reminisce about the past. Yes I know a year isn't really all that long, and it kinda sounds wrong referring to such a short period of time as the past. But in reality that single year makes up her entire life to date and that's massive. It's quite amazing just how much a baby changes in their first year and how amazingly fast it seems to fly by. I really don't understand how pregnancy seems to drag on forever, yet once the baby comes time goes by at light speed.



I've been missing my little baby for a few weeks now. I don't think I was really ready for her to morph into a toddler quite so fast. Her first few months of life I was willing her to grow up and reach milestone's, but come eleven months I was begging her to slow down. Ironically it coincided with when she started to walk. Since then I've been in this weird half sad, half clucky mood wanting my baby back. I'm guessing its natures way of making sure we go back for more...?

I started considering having another baby purely to get those baby moments back again. But then I reminded myself of the sleep deprivation days and quickly got over that idea! I still entertain it sometimes in my dreams, but for now I'm happy to live vicariously through my friends who have younger babies. 

To be honest I was starting to get quite down about not having a baby anymore. For a while I thought it might be some kind of slight resurgence of my pnd. But then I realised all my friend's have all gone through the same phase around their baby's first birthdays. It seems missing the "little baby" is just a normal phase all us poor mums go through. I imagine it'll just get worse with each child, especially the last. I think it's just hit me a bit harder because I honestly don't know if I'll be able to have any more children so she could very well be my first and last baby.

I'm happy to report though that I'm finally out of my little funk. She's still developing rapidly, but instead of mourning for the little baby I had before, I'm focusing on all the things I have to look forward to. Each day shes doing new things and saying (or attempting to say) more words. Each passing week there are more and more activities we can do together as she gains new skills.




I'm quickly discovering toddlers are just as amazing as babies. Sure there are tantrums, and shes already a master at those, but there are also really good moments too. Like the cuddles and kisses each morning. The huge stories she tells... rah rah rah mum mum bub bub ha ha ha ah mum mum. Playing with the ball at the park. Watching her interact with the cats. Exploring new textures with water play and building sand trenches at the beach. Being a toddler is still new and exciting and most of all fun. Best of all shes getting better at communicating what she wants and including me in her playtime because she wants to, not because she needs me to help her.

I used to think only the baby stage would be magical (excluding the sleep deprivation and poo parts) and that the older stages would mainly be full of tantrums and frustration. I'm now learning that every single stage of childhood is magical, for both her and me. I love my little big girl so much and no matter how big she gets she'll still be my baby girl.


Toni x

Linking with Grace, Sonia, Bel and Ann

36 comments:

  1. Lovely post. Every word so true. I cried so much when Locky turned one. Enjoy every moment x

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  2. A beautiful reflection on what it is like to see your little girl grow up - it's so bittersweet isn't it?? My little girl is two now and my partner and I were only saying today how grown up she is getting - not even really a toddler anymore. But to be honest, although I miss seeing my little baby I love her more and more the older she gets...

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    1. Yep I can see I will just lover her more and more as she gets older too.

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  3. Naw, she is just the cutest little thing! Each stage will brings a smile to your face (and sometimes tears to your eyes). I mentioned to my sister that my nephew is turning 2 in December and she told me not to talk to her haha - I guess that means it doesn't get any easier! Savour each moment!

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    1. Haha I guess that means I'm going to feel the same at each birthday.

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  4. Yes - so much magic in every stage! But I do think it's natural to reminisce about the baby time - so many firsts in that first year! Xx

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    1. It's amazing how much they learn in the first year isn't it?.

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  5. Very true! My eldest is almost 13 and I still get pangs of nostalgia for the baby days. Every age and stage comes with it's own beautiful memories, enjoy every moment - they grow up too fast!

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  6. I think I have said that literally every year and every stage was my favourite. You are right though, it goes so quickly and I find those reflective moments are precious as they allow you to slow down time, at least for a little while. xx

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    1. I'm sure I'll end up saying it every year too.

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  7. Gorgeous. I loved that stage from baby to toddler. Still so much innocence and yet, you already start getting nostalgic for the "ol' days". Enjoy and soak in every precious moment, Toni x

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    1. Yes so innocent, but also cheeky and fearless and funny. Its a good mix.

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  8. I think it is natural to get clucky when our babies become older. The months leading up to one are just so precious and so bloody cute. The learn so much, so quickly, it makes it seem like time is going fast.

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    1. Its incredible how fast they learn! Each day she comes out with new things.

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  9. Beautiful post. Every milestone is met with such a feeling of joy that they are growing and developing into little people and sadness because that is one less thing they will rely on mama for. Enjoy every second :)

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    1. I know, maybe its the fact we feel less needed that makes us sad.

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  10. Having my older two so close together has meant their baby time has been a blur, a whirlwind. I am savouring lots of moments with my new lil man simply for the fact that I know exactly how fast the time goes. You are dead right on the magical front. Little people never cease to amaze me and boy oh boy are they smart creatures too. Never a dull moment here at my place with a 3 yr old and 23 month old I tell you. Happy bday to your precious baby.

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    1. Yes there's never a dull moment with toddlers that's for sure!

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  11. Yip, I know how you feel. We have just celebrated Sebastian's first birthday and know the feeling well. Keep up the good work and enjoy every moment xx

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    1. Yea I saw your pic on instagram. All our babies are growing up so fast.

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  12. Beautiful! I still miss my babies and your fist picture here makes me clunky to hold the small warm weight of a baby, to hear those mews and to be stuck breast-feeding. Yet, as you say, all stages are amazing. It is so wonderful to watch our children grey and learn. xS

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    1. I am so so clucky! Just hope I don't end up with a tv show like 19 kids and counting because I keep wanting to go back for more (Trent tells me all the time that I'm going to end up like that).

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  13. New babies are so exquisite but each phase we have gone through has been exciting and lovely (most of the time) ;) Sweet post :)

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    1. Yep apart from the screaming, kicking tantrum times :)

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  14. Such a lovely post. I feel like this at every birthday but I think the first birthday is the hardest. They go from being a newborn to a toddler so fast but yes all stages are amazing. Enjoy the next year :) #TeamMM

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    1. I'm so hoping the first birthday is the hardest and it gets slightly easier from here on in.

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  15. She is so ridiculously cute. Each stage really does have it's own amazing changes and challenges. I'm still in awe about having a little person, who I helped create, who is walking and talking and I just can't explain it!.

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    1. I know it really is a total miracle that we can make these awesome little people!

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  16. I think you are right - everyone goes through this - I know I did! My baby is now 4 but I love seeing how she is developing into an independent, fierce, loving, cheeky, smart and intrepid girl. And my big kids are forever changing too - they may not depend upon me as much now but I love the conversations and the role I have in guiding them in the next few years as they grow into adolescents.

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    1. Yep I totally love everything about being a mum. Being able to watch her learn and grow is so rewarding.

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  17. You really hit the nail on the head, I remember really having to fight back the tears as my first born turned 1, lighting the candle on his first cake was emotional, now he is 5, and I have a 3 year old and 1 year old too, and it is true, I still miss the baby days now my youngest is officially a toddler, but every stage is magical, there will be times when its so hard, the days feel long and tiring, but the cuddles they give you, they make everything worth it, every tantrum and argument. Motherhood the hardest but more rewarding job!

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    1. Its so true that one cuddle or a smile or "mumma" can make up for an entire day of tantrums and frustration. I don't even want to imagine how hard it will be when I have more than one though - so many more things to feel guilty about like whether I'm spending enough time with each of them individually - ahh being a mummy is so hard!

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  18. There have no joke been about 6 babies born at playgroup, school etc n the last month and I cannot look at them without clucking like a chicken!! I got offered a nurse of one and I had to back away as I was getting the overwhelming urge to have just one more!!
    My baby is on the verge of standing up and walking. I am in denial about this!!
    Each stage is special, even if it sux at the time!!

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    1. 4 of my highschool friends have had babies in the last month, I keep seeing cute squishy newborns in my newsfeed! It's so baaaaad.

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