Monday, August 18, 2014

I must confess - What I'd say to my younger self

This week I'm guest hosting I Must Confess for Kirsty from My Home Truths while she has a little bloggy break. The topic for this week is - what would you say to your younger self? 



Dear little Toni,

You are such a happy and smart little girl. You love drawing, reading and learning new things. You believe anything is possible, including being able to fly off the blue trundle bed in the rumpus room. I wish you could stay that way forever. You have a quiet determination to succeed. You think if you try and try and try some more you will be able to do anything. That determination will serve you well as you get older. 

I wish you could stay in your awesome childhood bubble longer. I'd love to tell you that your life will be easy, but I don't want to lie. There will be many hard times, but you will get through them. 

When dad leaves you will be sad for a long time. Its OK to be sad. Its OK to miss him and its OK to feel this way even though other people will act as though you shouldn't. Your feelings are important. You may feel like others think you don't matter, but theres that little voice inside that reminds you that you do matter. Shes very quiet so you'll have to listen hard. Keep listening to that inner voice, shes very smart, as are you. 



There will be times when you think that you are worthless. Know that you most definitely are not. In order to keep the peace you will always put others first. That doesn't mean that they're more important than you though. Being selfless is admirable, but there comes a time when you will need to look out for you. One day you will find the courage to fight for yourself. You will pick yourself up and change the entire direction of your life and it will be glorious. I'm not saying it'll be easy, it'll be a long, hard road, but it will be so very worth it.

You will once again be happy within yourself. You will know that you don't need another person to make you happy. You still seek validation from time to time, but you'll no longer need it to survive. Others will begin to notice how strong you really are. You will surprise a lot of people with your strength to keep going, even yourself. You will finally be on the path to living your own life and no longer be wandering in the shadows of others. 

You want more than anything to be a mum. Unfortunately, like many other things in your life, the road to motherhood will not be easy. But you are built tough. You will find the perfect man to start a family with. There will be lots of tears and heartache and there will be times when you think you can't do it anymore, but you won't give up. Despite all the odds being stacked against you, a baby will come. You will have the precious daughter you've always wanted. She will be so much more than you could've ever imagined.

You will be a wonderful mum. You may doubt yourself at times, but you just have to look into her beautiful blue eyes to know that you're doing a good job. Yes she'll have blue eyes which will shock you at first, but you'll quickly grow to love them like everything else about her. In your eyes she'll be perfect and in hers you will be too. There will be so many times you'll stare at her and be grateful that you get to experience such unconditional love. You deserve it. You so deserve to feel love and happiness and all the joy that she'll bring to your life.

Don't feel guilty when you're happy. Dad would want you to be happy. You are allowed to be happy. You're allowed to laugh and smile and dance and be silly. In fact I order you to do so as often as you can.

You will be ok sweet child. 

Despite all the hurt and heartache you will experience throughout your life, you will be OK

Happiness is waiting for you. The beginning is always the hardest part.




Always remember that you are kind, you are smart, you are important and you are worthy :)


Love future Toni

[Images: one, two, three, four]






  • I Must Confess is a link up that runs every Monday and remains live for the whole week.
  • You can link up something old or new, we’re not fussy around here.
  • Feel free to go with the prompt for the week or add your own confession, whatever suits.
  • Please go forth and share the comment love – it is bloggy crack after all!
Next week I Must Confess will be back at its regular home with Kirsty at My Home Truths
The prompt is "micro-confessions" - share all your little confessions in one post.


24 comments:

  1. I really love that quote - your value doesn't decrease based on someone's inability to see your worth - that's something we should drum into our kids. I'd not heard it before...

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    1. I only discovered it while I was looking for quotes the other day and it resonated with me so much. I wish I had of heard it sooner.

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  2. That is just a wee bit sweet and sad... but some great messages that we should ALL listen to, aren't we just too hard on ourselves? Have a great day!

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    1. Yep. I'm my own worst critic for sure.

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  3. Beautiful messages to your younger self. I love the quote about worth too.

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  4. Love that quote, such a beautiful message that we'd all do well to remember from time to time. xx

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    1. Yea I might have to print it out and put it on my fridge :)

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  5. What a terrific message to your younger self...I often wonder though if we could go back and give ourselves advice would we learn from our mistakes and go through the same experiences that have made us into who we are today....

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    1. A lot of the things that happened to me were beyond my control so I doubt advice would change the outcome in terms of my experiences but it would probably change my mindset at the time and make it all less emotionally traumatic.

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  6. This could so easily be what I would write to my younger self - except for the struggle to fall pregnant, I guess I was one of the lucky ones that way xxx

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    1. Yea I always thought the infertility was a bit of a cruel joke on top of all the other things I'd already experienced, but you gotta roll with the punches.

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  7. This is beautiful. It is incredible to think just how valuable words like this would thins would be to our much younger and more vulnerable selves. Imagine in your darker moments being reassured that "you will be OK". Such powerful stuff.

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    1. Yep it would've made such a tremendous difference to my emotional well being and my internal dialogue. I think we all just want to know that everything will be ok, especially during the bad times.

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  8. I couldn't go back and talk to my younger self, she wouldn't listen. I love both quotes that you have used and will be printing them out for my inspirational wall.

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    1. I never really went through the rebellious I hate authority phase where I wouldn't listen to older people, except when it comes to my mum. I probably wouldn't have listened to her. Ironically shes the one who I needed to hear it from.

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  9. Sometimes it's good to go back to see what you've been through knowing that you've come out the other side hopefully wiser and stronger... Lovely letter..

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    1. Yes I think you really appreciate how far you've come that way.

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  10. This is beautiful and brought a bit of a tear. This is a fabulous letter to your younger self xx

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  11. Oh, if only we could go back to our younger selves and tell them what we knew now. Beautiful post, Toni.

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    1. Yea hindsight would be a wonderful thing to know as things actually happen. Would save a lot of stress and worrying.

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  12. Beautiful post and made me a bit teary for my younger self.

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  13. This gorgeous post made me all goosebumpy Toni. I wish we could teach all out younger people the value of self worth. Oh the things I would tell my younger self xx

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