Monday, July 21, 2014

What my mum doesn't know

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Today I'm linking up with Ann, who's guest hosting I must confess. The prompt this week is things your parents don't know. There are  so many things I could write about for this post, but I don't want to ruin my reputation (if I even have one). Besides, things are secrets from our parents for a reason, right? In order to not be a complete piker though I'm sharing a story from my primary school days.

Tuckshop at primary school was a big thing. It was the holy grail of lunch time. I loved the days I got to hand in my brown paper bag with my money and food choice knowing something awesome would be waiting for me later on. You see I used to get teased a bit at school about my lunches. Mum used to send us to school with weird sandwiches. Things like corned beef and pickles, ham and alfalfa sprouts, patte or asparagus were regular lunch staples. I actually loved them, but the thing with eating food like asparagus for lunch, is that its green and smelly and almost certain to attract the bullies.

Sometimes, ok a lot of the time, I just wanted to fit in with the other kids. If that meant wasting money on junk food at lunch then so be it. Problem was I pretty much never had money. One day I came up with an ingenious idea to overcome my lack of funds.

I think we were doing some kind of maths exercise in class and we had fake coins and notes that we were using (similar to Monopoly money). As we were packing it away I stashed a couple of coins in my pocket. They'll never know, I thought. To me it looked close enough to real money. Surely the tuckshop lady would be easily fooled by my plan. Or perhaps if she wasn't she'd take pity on me and pretend it was real and give me what I wanted anyway. So off I went at big lunch (yep thats what it was called) and lined up with all the other kids awaiting the sweet sweet deliciousness of tuckshop food.

Of all the things on the tuckshop board I could've lusted after, all I wanted was some apricot balls. Seriously, I could've gone for an ice-cream or something to make my genius plan worth the effort, but no all I wanted was apricot balls. They were little balls of some kind of chewy apricot (or apricot tasting) mixture rolled in coconut. Yuk. I can't stand apricot or coconut now, but back then they were the bees knees.

The whole time I was waiting in line I could hear my heart beating outside my chest. I was convinced everyone was staring at me and knew what I was doing. My guilty conscience was in overdrive, but I never thought about getting out of line and abandoning my plan. I truly thought I would succeed. I felt much worse about taking the fake money than using it to buy something. Clearly stealing is worse than fraud as far as seven year olds are concerned. I just wanted to get to the front of the line and pay for my apricot balls so I didn't have the stolen money burning a hole in my pocket anymore.

Of course as luck would have it I got in the line with the mean tuckshop lady. Perhaps if it'd been one of mums friends they would've been more discrete. But no. This lady was a cow. I asked for my apricot balls and handed my money over only to have her yell back at me "you can't pay with that, its Monopoly money" as loud as she could. I swear it was like one of those moments in a movie where something embarrassing happens and everybody immediately stops what they're doing, goes completely silent and stares at you. Maybe it wasn't quite as dramatic as that, but it certainly felt that way. My seven year old, apricot ball loving, soul was crushed. As I walked away from the counter I swear I could feel every.single.person. staring at me.

So there you go, that was my highly embarrassing story from my youth that my mum never knew about (assuming the cow tuckshop lady didn't blab about it). Thankfully my little foray in dishonesty and stealing didn't lead to a lifetime of crime. Perhaps the insane amount of embarrassment I felt afterwards was enough to set me on the straight and narrow path for life.


Do you have an embarrassing story from your childhood?
Are you slightly annoyed that this story didn't involve alcohol, boys or the police?


Toni xx


Linking with Emily, Eva, Alicia and Ann

50 comments:

  1. That tuck shop lady sounds like a bit of bitch. You'd think she might have told you quietly (and maybe even slipped you some freeby apricot balls) and saved a seven year old girl such embarrassment. It is funny now but I can imagine how you felt at the time. x

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    1. You'd think so hey, but obviously she thought otherwise. It is funny now though.

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  2. Oh my goodness how embarrassing!! I cringed for you as I was reading this.

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  3. Oh your poor little 7 year old thing! It wouldn't have been nearly as humiliating if the Tuck Shop woman had been kind and discreet.

    My own childhood and adolescent is full of cringing 'crimes and misdemeanours'. One of the more traumatic involved me aged 5, swapping my bestie's gold bracelet (with her name engraved on it) for a bag of lollies. She ate the lollies and my mother made me give the bracelet back... :)

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    1. That totally sucks! I would've demanded lollies before I gave it back lol

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  4. Oh that must have been mortifying! We called it big lunch too :)

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    1. Yea there was little lunch and big lunch lol

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  5. Oh bless that is kinda sweet! But I bet you felt like melting? We didn't have a tuckshop, deprived childhood right?

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    1. Oh god Emily, school without tuckshop what the hell.

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  6. Oh that's so cute! But that tuckshop lady could have been a bit quieter...sheesh!

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  7. Aaaw, I could feel your poor little seven year old heart being crushed. Boo to mean tuckshop ladies!

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  8. I'm sorry to admit that that made me laugh! How ingenious was that plan!!! And that lady was a cow!
    A story that comes to mind actually involves my mother - we were on a camp nearby to where we lived and my Mum delivered a styrophome esky full of ice-blocks to our camp...and then proceeded to reverse overtop of it!!!

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    1. Its all good I laugh at it too. Ha, how embarrassing.

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  9. Aww! I remember those big feelings. A cute story indeed :)

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    1. Everything is such a big deal as a kid isn't it.

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  10. What a confession! Your mum sounds like such a trooper packing such yummy sandwiches for your lunches. Though kids can be so mean sometimes. My mum used to pack me lunch every day as well so no tuck shop for me either (we called it the school canteen). But I had a friend whose mum packed lunch for her too so we always paired off together at lunch to eat ours together in peace

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    1. Yea they were pretty cool sandwiches, even if the other kids didn't agree.

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  11. Aww a great story but still felt sorry for 7 year old you! What a mean tuck-shop lady..

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  12. I loved tuck shop lunches. I always wanted to be one of the girls who got to collect the lunch orders at assembly each morning to take them to the canteen. Alas, I never quite got my wish but that's okay, I've gotten over it now! Poor 7 year old you - at least you didn't steal real money off someone - she really should have been nicer to you and snuck you a few apricot balls :)

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    1. Yes at least I only stole fake money lol.

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  13. What a nasty old tuckshop lady!!! Poor you, Toni. You described the event so well I could just picture you doing that. My mum gave us weird sandwiches too. Peanut butter and sultanas. I got paid out for that one.

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    1. Peanut butter and sultanas, oh my god. I think I just gagged. I can't stand sultanas - mind you I ate them all the time as a kid.

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  14. Oh No what a mean Lady ! Just give the girl an apricot ball !

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  15. Oh no, I just had to laugh. That's a funny story, albeit traumatic to a wee child :)

    Swinging by from the Turn It Up Tuesdays hop!

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  16. So sad and yet funny! I think the idea was ingenious though to use monopoly money- I just had to explain that play money doesn't really work and they million dollar bill they had wasn't in fact real. My boys had the same plan, but they were planning on going on a lego binge :) I can't believe the lady was so mean though :( Thanks for linking up!
    -S.L. Payne at uncommongrace.net

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    1. Hahaha so I'm not the only kid whose come up with an ingenious monopoly money plan.

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  17. Haha, good on you for giving it a shot! I remember calling it 'big lunch' and 'little lunch' too!

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    1. Its so much nicer than boring old morning tea and lunch :)

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  18. Too funny!!
    I once told Mum I wanted a cheese and asparagus sandwich. I got it pretty much every day for the rest of my school life!!
    Canteen lady sounds like a real biatch!!

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    1. I don't think I ever had cheese and asparagus, just plain asparagus unfortunately.

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  19. Oh my, that is horrible! I have so many embarrassing stories, I really should write some of them down because of course, right now I can't think of any! I do remember cheating an awful lot at Monopoly though!

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    1. Oh I take Monopoly very seriously, even now lol.

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  20. Not funny..and that is something so horrible to happen to a little girl that you have remembered it with such clarity. People who work in schools need to be bit more sensitive around little kids... PS will you share this with Mum??

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    1. She's already read it Denyse :)

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  21. That's awful! I can only imagine how you felt! :(

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    1. I know I wished I could be invisible at the time.

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  22. Great story, but how awful. It's amazing how these things stick with us, clear as a bell forever. I can feel my stomach sinking as I read. I think the power had gone to the Canteen Lady's head!

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  23. It's so funny how you remember the little moments. And how big those moments are when you are small! Stopping by from SITS!

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    1. Yep, pretty sure I thought it was the end of my life or something when it happened.

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  24. Great story. Ahh kids, so naive! I too had the exact range of sandwiches as you, minus the asparagus and change for FISH PASTE. Yes, I kid you not. Not green, but very very smelly. Canteen orders were such a treat for me as well.

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    1. Fish paste - GAG! Meat and liver pate were bad enough.

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  25. oh you poor thing - I would have given you the apricot balls because you earned them after all of that xx

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    1. I wish you were the tuckshop lady Sonia!

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