Friday, May 2, 2014

The big move

I admit I don't really like change much. I guess it comes with the territory when you suffer from anxiety. I'm learning to embrace it a little more as time goes on. In fact I'm pretty much forcing myself into new situations wherever I can (to try and reduce the fear I associate with change) as part of my mission to make sure I don't pass on my anxiety to my daughter. So far it's actually been working rather well.

This week a big change took place in our household. One I'd been strategically successfully avoiding for the past few months. Since bub was born she's been sleeping in our room. At first I intended to have her next to me in the bassinet until she was 6 months and then transition her to her own room - at first in her bassinet, then in her cot. Of course I should know by now that nothing ever goes to plan. She ruined my plans when she began to outgrow her bassinet at only 4 1/2 months old.

The mchn told me it's beneficial to keep the baby in your room for 6 months for their development. So, reluctantly T moved the cot into our room. In hindsight I think having the transition to the cot happen while she was still in our room was actually a good thing and made it less stressful for her. However, as the weeks went on I got attached to her being in our room. I loved knowing that she was just at the end of my bed. So time ticked by and somehow we got to 9 months old and she was still in our room. The thought of separating from her was getting more daunting with each passing week. In the end I decided I just had to do it or I'd never take the leap, kind of like when I contemplate taking off a bandaid because I know its going to hurt. Its best to just get on with it and rip it off in one swift move, that way it hurts but only for a second, instead of peeling it off slowly and prolonging the pain and anguish.

So we made the move swift and sudden. We moved her cold turkey one night when she wasn't expecting it. Of course there was a lot of waking in the night and freaking out once she realised she was alone in the dark, but mummy cuddles subdued the tears for the most part. I think it was actually a lot harder on me than her. In fact I think shes starting to like having her own room and a bit of independence.

A week on and it is going well. I don't think my brain has caught up with the changes yet though because I still sneak into my room at night - shutting the door really quietly then tip toeing across the room to bed in the dark so I don't wake the sleeping baby. I frantically switch the volume down on my phone as candy crush opens. I yell at T to switch off his alarm asap as soon as it starts blaring at 2:30am. Then I look to my right and see the precious baby sound asleep on the monitor beside me, completely oblivious to the commotion going on in our room. Then I remember shes a big girl now tucked up safe and sound in her own room. Yet I still wake up a few hours later and wonder why theres a tv at the end of my bed instead of a cot. One day I'm sure having reclaimed my own room will feel normal.

I'm not going to tempt fate by saying we're over the worst of it, but we're definitely on our way to achieving a good night's sleep, both simultaneously and independently in our own separate big girl rooms.


Toni xx


Linking up with Grace, Kaz and Bron & Sonia.


39 comments:

  1. Aww, it's so hard for us mummies... I kept Dora in her cot as long as I could too and missed her terribly when she was moved to her own room. It's such a comfort having them right there. The good thing about moving to the cot, for us, was being able to use the movement monitor. It gave us peace of mind. Hope you get some good night's sleep :)

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    1. Yes the monitor is my saving grace, without it I'd be a nervous wreck.

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  2. I loved the last line :) Good for you! I can see how hard this was for you. With our first I moved into her room with her for a couple of months. Crazy I know. I slept beside her cot in a single bed. With our second, I couldn't wait to move her into her own room lol. Glad all is working well for you x

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    1. Trust me the thought of sleeping in her room did cross my mind, but the rooms too small to fit all her stuff and a bed. It's actually going a lot better than expected.

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  3. I remember that SO well and each time I missed them so much at first but gradually I did start to appreciate having my own room back. Give it a little time and you will all be sleeping soundly.

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    1. I do miss her, but I am loving my room being my room now.

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  4. You're listening to your heart and you're listening to your babe. Sounds like you're doing wonderfully, Toni. You are that sweet little babe of yours. You've got this. X

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    1. Hopefully Bec, somedays I still wonder if I know what I'm doing at all, but we get through it one cuddle at a time :)

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  5. What a beautiful post. I don't have kids, but have many friends who do and this has given me a little insight. Thank you for sharing such a personal moment.

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    1. Thankyou Sonia :)
      Its so much harder and more emotionally draining than I expected, but its also the most rewarding experience being responsible for a beautiful little soul.

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  6. Things happen in good time and when it's right for you … follow your heart and you can't go wrong … sounds like you're doing just fine!

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    1. Thanks Sandie, the heart is a wonderful thing :)

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  7. You'll get there and she will be fine and there's no reason you can't sneak in there and peak on her while she's sleeping. I still do that with all our kids x

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    1. I'm trying so hard not to Jodi because the temptation to pick her up and cuddle her would be too great. I do stare at the monitor for ages though :)

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  8. I think you hit the nail on the head when you said it's tougher on you than it is on her. But that doesn't make it any easier, does it! But I hope it continues to improve and you both get some rest. Those middle of the night cuddles are easy to look back on with fondness, of course, but operating on unsound sleep is rough! xx

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    1. Yep the cuddles are priceless, but sleep even moreso (not that I really remember what that is).

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  9. It is a big move and I found it hard when my daughter moved to her own room too... change is hard but sounds like you are doing a great job!

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    1. Change is sooo hard, but also inevitable. I'm learning to accept it more readily.

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  10. Good luck!! It is so difficult to find the right balance between being there and being an individual. Mine are 5 (nearly) and I am fighting that balance. I know I am a helicopter parent, but I struggle with letting go. Anyway, I found you at a link party (Melting Moments). Glad I did!!
    http://balmtomysoul.com/2014/05/frozen-paper-dolls-cory-jensen/

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    1. I think I'm a bit of a helicopter parent too Elizabeth.

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  11. You handle all these things with such thoughtfulness and grace. I find all those landmarks so hard x

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  12. Great post! And congrats on being a Playgro Toy Tester, I am too! I look forward to reading your posts!

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    1. Look forward to reading yours too!

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  13. We kinda went the opposite. Because I couldn't cosleep with twins, I spent most of the first 3 years with the boys. Now they walk into our beds in the middle of the night, every night. While we're not getting much sleep (we didn't get much before it anyway), I love it. I know it won't last forever and those snuggles are just the best.

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    1. I still love the snuggles when she wakes in the middle of the night too :)

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  14. What a big change! And yes, I believe these big moments of growing up can actually be harder on us parents than the kids. I think they are so much stronger than us sometimes. Early last week we were at our local primary school to enrol 3 y.o. for kindy next year and I already feel choked up imagining him in his school uniform and trotting off the school.

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    1. Oh Serene I will be a complete mess when she goes to school!

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  15. I will bet by now you are starting to enjoy the change? I miss television in bed and find myself now trotting off to a room-share situation with my baby Miss and going down at the same time as her (often reluctantly)! There will be so much more freedom for you now and you will start to claw back some of your special time (like reading in bed). Good luck, hope it's going well.

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    1. I'm starting to love having my bedroom back, mainly because I can use my phone if I want or turn the light on and not be worried about waking her. Funnily enough I haven't actually watched the tv yet!

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  16. What a lovely post. Enjoy the change and smooth sailing to you. Its like a new bed life for you. ha ha...Both my bubs went in their own room from day dot and with no monitor. It took a week or so to get used to it with number 1 and relax knowing they were ok and they were. I could and still always hear them when they really need me, and I found i slept better, especially initially because I wasn't waking to every single move, snore and sniff from the baby. Gearing up to do it all again in August.

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    1. I certainly notice how much she rolls over and makes noises and cries in her sleep watching her on the monitor before I go to bed. I used to wake up at every noise and get up to her quicker than I should've. She's self settling a lot better during the night now

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  17. Children are always capable of surprise. We recently moved Our Little Girl into her big bed and a shared room with her brothers. It was absolutely no problem. She stayed in her room and went to sleep. I was amazed.

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    1. She's certainly surprised me with how well shes taken it :)

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  18. I am so happy to hear that it's all going well! I wrote about some of the benefits of change a while ago and thought you might be interested. With my anxiety and PND, I was terrible with change as well but have learned to embrace it a bit more. x http://www.themultitaskingmummy.com/2014/03/when-change-is-therapy-10-benefits-of-change.html

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    1. Just read it Eva, it was good to read the positive side of change up on the screen. Sometimes I just automatically view it as negative I forgot a lot of the points you listed in your post so it was a good reminder to view it from a different perspective.

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  19. Such a big change for all of you but well worth it I'm sure. Hope it is still all going well :-)

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  20. I smiled at your post. Enjoy! We are out the other end of parenting... I have one daughter saving the world in Africa and one daughter backpacking round California - it's when they are not safely under your roof that life gets really scary :) Loved your post thank you for making me reflect back on those days 20+yrs ago with such nostalgia but I'm now thinking maybe it's because we didn't have them sleep in our rooms as babies that they have this strong desire to flee the nest???!!! Shame I didn't have your blog in the nineties!!
    Wren x

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  21. Well done on taking the plunge and I'm glad it's going well for you so far!

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