Friday, May 30, 2014

Mothers instinct.

As a mum you know when something's wrong with your baby. You just know. Sometimes even before it becomes physically obvious. Its instinctual. Its the tug deep down in your heart telling you something's not right. Its that tiny little voice inside your head gently whispering in your ear as you shrug it off assuming you're overreacting.

Thank goodness for mothers instinct.

Last Monday bub woke a lot later than usual and promptly wanted to go back to sleep. That was the first sign. For a baby who normally wakes early and doesn't sleep much during the day it was definitely out of character. She was sleepy the whole day and when she wasn't asleep she refused to leave my side. If I tried to put her down she'd lock her arms around mine and start screaming hysterically. Nothing could calm her. Not dad. Not toys. Only mum and lots and lots of mummy cuddles.

So the tugging and whispering began.

As the cuddles and sleeping continued I noticed she was getting a lot hotter than usual. Her face was bright red and her skin was burning up. T shrugged it off because she'd been sleeping on me so much, but I knew something wasn't right. The voice grew a little louder. I took her temp and it had sky-rocketed to 39.3. I started to mildly panic on the inside. Daddy came in cool, calm and collected and gave her a bath and Panadol and her temp had gone down to 37.6 within an hour.

The voice quietened down, she went to sleep and all was well. So we thought.

Monday night she woke screaming every forty minutes throughout the night. The voice inside grew louder again. By 4am I noticed a rash on her little hands. She had tiny red marks around her mouth. I had to go out in the morning and leave her with dad, but the voice was yelling at me not to go. He convinced me to go out and I booked her a dr appointment for straight after I got back. Reluctantly I went out and left her at home with dad.

A couple of hours later I got a text from T "we're not going to the dr we're going to the hospital". Daddy is normally the cool, calm one so for him to send me that message I knew something was very wrong. My hands we're shaking while I was driving home. Its weird enough not having her with me, but knowing shes sick and not being with her took my anxiety and panic to a new level. The whole time home the voice in my head was screaming at me. Cursing me for going out. Willing me to drive faster to get home quicker.

By the time I got home she was covered in a red rash all over her arms and legs. Screaming hysterically. Her face bright red and covered in tears. I could see the pain, panic and fear all over her face. I took her in my arms and the screaming subsided, but I knew mummy cuddles wouldn't fix everything this time. Off to the hospital we went.

At the hospital the nurses were great. They got her seen within minutes and had her diagnosed soon after. My poor baby girl has hand, foot and mouth - a viral infection that's extremely contagious and spreads quickly among babies. The poor thing has blisters all down her throat and around her mouth. The rash continues to spread all over her little body. There is no treatment other than pain relief (and all important mummy cuddles). We just have to let the virus run its course which takes roughly ten days.

Its not like her allergic choking episodes. They happen so fast there's no time to think, all I can do is act as quick as possible. They're over as quick as they start and in a short while shes ok and back to her normal self. This is different. I feel helpless. I can offer nothing except pain relief and cuddles. Although cuddles are amazing, they don't stop her physical suffering. I can still see the misery on her face. The pain etched in her eyes and the angry rash spreading all over her body. There's nothing more heartbreaking than watching my helpless baby suffering, knowing all I can do is reassure her it will be over soon. Even though I know soon is still days away.



And so here we sit for the next few days tucked up on the couch holding hands and snuggling. On hiatus from the outside world.


Toni x

30 comments:

  1. Poor wee thing. Hope she feels better soon.

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    1. I think shes starting to get better, theres been less screaming today and the rash seems to be fading a little bit.

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  2. Your poor little girl, hand, foot and mouth isn't nice. Hopefully her symptoms and her pain eases pretty quickly. I think you did all the right things before she was diagnosed. Don't beat yourself up over going out, you left her with her Daddy, and you were only a phone call away.

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    1. It's just ironic that the first time I do something for myself this happened.

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  3. Oh love. How horrid. I hope she's on the mend. Good on you for trusting your Mumma instinct. They're strong, aren't they? X

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  4. Get well soon, poor lil bubba....

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    1. I think shes starting to get better now. Its already been 5 days so hopefully it can only get better from here.

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  5. That sounds terrifying! Never underestimate the power of a mummy cuddle.

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    1. Mummy cuddles are awesome (for me and her).

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  6. Oh poor darling girl and poor you. I was always worried I wouldn't be blessed with Mother's instinct... my mum always rerassured me I would.. as soon as my girl was born, there it was. It's amazing.

    Big hugs to you and your girl.

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    1. Its weird hey how you've never done it before, but yet you can still tell when somethings not right.

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  7. That must be so heartbreaking to watch, so sad. I agree with you about the mum's instinct, never ignore it! I hope she gets better soon!

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    1. Yea it hasn't been the best week. I can't wait to have my happy baby back.

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  8. Oh, Toni! That's just horrible! It's such a contagious disease and spreads so quickly. Poor bubba. Hope she feels better soon and back in the outside world x

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    1. Shes starting to feel better but I've caught it off her now :(

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  9. Oh poor poppet! Mother's instinct is almost always right, I have learnt not to ignore it anymore. I hope mummy cuddles soothe her and she is up and running again sooner, rather than later x

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    1. Shes getting back to her normal self now after 7 days. I'm loving hearing her giggles again.

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  10. Poor sweet little thing. It's the pits seeing your child in so much discomfort. They just don't understand what is happening. Nothing else much matters right now except those cuddles xx

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    1. It's times like these I wish she could talk so we could do more than just cuddle but cuddles are the best :)

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  11. Poor little thing. so so glad it was nothing worse. seeing you pop up little comments about her temp and then a trip to the hospital over a couple of days i knew she wasnt well. Glad its something that will be solved shortly (although it does seem so long when you're a helpless mummy) Its so hard when you can't help isnt it. xx She must be feeling a little better now ? enjoy the cuddles. Thanks for linking for #sundaybrunch xx

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    1. Yea it seemed like forever at the time, but she appears to be better now.

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  12. Oh no Toni! Hand food and mouth is the worst ever and it sucks that all you can do is give them pain relief. I totally agree about mothers instinct. When Elliott had it, I took him to the doctor who dismissed it as something else and nothing to worry about, Elliott got worse, miserable and something wasn't right. Elliott didn't get any rash on his body, but he did get the blisters in his mouth, right at the back of his throat which a second doctor picked up. I hope your little one recovers soon, it's certainly not a nice thing to go through.

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    1. Yea it was really bad - the blisters are so painful. I caught it off her and pretty much didn't eat for three days.

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  13. Oh the poor little thing. We once came very close to losing our baby boy to meningitis. It was the voice that made me head straight to the hospital - thus saving his life. There is nothing more powerful than a Mums instinct. I hope she is well and truly on the mend and you are all recovering hun x

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    1. Shes fine now :)
      I was freaking out that she had measles or meningitis before we found out what it was.

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  14. Oh gosh this would have been scary and a horrible feeling for you. I hope she's on the mend. xx

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    1. Yep shes fine now, just a few faded spots lingering.

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  15. Awww I hope she recovered quickly, nothing worse than when one of your kids are sick! Thanks for linking up to Stumble Into the Weekend

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  16. a lovely mother. i hope she recovered quickly and god bless! Coming from Mummy Mondays!

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