I always thought that once I got pregnant I would straight away freak out about the fact that I had to somehow get the baby out. I'm really small so the thought of pushing a watermelon out a pin hole should be scary, if not terrifying. For some reason I've been completely ok with it. Until this past week.
My approach to labour has always been simple - why worry about something you cant avoid? And also I remind myself that at some point it will be over. Even if I'm in labour for 12hrs or more (god I hope not), there will be an end point. It will stop. The pain will not continue forever and I'm not going to die. Oh and I get my baby at the end of it which is a nice bonus. This attitude has served me well so far. Well like I said until this past week.
Last week we had our labour antenatal class. To be honest I was actually looking forward to it because I've never done this before and I was really keen to learn about all the stages etc. Id deliberately avoided reading the labour part of any baby books until now. Didn't want to tempt fate and have a preemptive meltdown (I will save that for the big day). I also stopped watching birth shows on YouTube once I got pregnant. They were always interesting before, but seeing them from my current perspective might change that. So, in the labour class - we watched a video. Straight away I felt a bit woozy and anxious. Not really because of the contents just because the reality finally hit me 'oh my god I will have to do that soon'. Weird how you can know something for months but the reality still doesn't hit you until much later.
I got through the video part then a bit later my stomach started to really hurt. Like seriously hurt. I had joked on the way to the class about how funny it would be if I went into labour at the labour class (oh the irony). Then when I started feeling pain it kinda wasn't as funny as I thought it would be. I spoke to the midwife in the break about my pain. I didn't actually think I was in labour but I knew it wasn't normal. She touched my belly and said 'your tummy is very tight I think you should head up to the hospital. Call labour and delivery and see what they think'. To have a trained midwife tell you that you need to go to labour and delivery is quite concerning. So that's what we did.
I was kind of panicking on the inside and also trying to tell myself it wasn't really happening. I quite confidently declared to T in the car that I would be going home with my baby still in my belly. Theres no way I was giving birth at 32 and a half weeks. Even if I had to clamp my legs shut to avoid it. When I got checked out by the first midwife she told me I was measuring 37 weeks, the head was engaged and I was having contractions. At that point I had a holy shit I might actually be in labour moment. Followed by shit I haven't even packed a hospital bag let alone brought it with me. Soon followed by nah shes only a student midwife she must be wrong I'm not actually in labour, am I?. Thankfully I was right. I was not in labour. The senior midwife confirmed I only measured 32 and a half weeks, her head is very low but not engaged and I was having some braxton hicks. The other contractions the machine was picking up were just the baby trying to kick the monitors off my belly. Thankgod for that.
|My belly all hooked up being monitored|
So after two hours I was sent home. Baby still safely tucked up in my belly like I said she would be. They concluded the pain is my ligaments being under too much strain from the weight of my uterus. A lovely side effect of my psd. Not exactly what I want to deal with on top of an already separating pelvis, but its worth it if I get to feel my baby kicking inside me for a few more weeks.
After all this my labour anxiety has definitely kicked in.