Thursday, June 27, 2013

Becoming a dad




They say when you become a parent you grow up really quickly the second your child is born. You see things from a different perspective. The intense love you feel for another little person. The realisation that you are the one who created them. You are the one responsible for them. The overwhelming need to protect them from anything bad in the world. In whole a massive outpouring of emotions, most of which you wont be prepared for. At least this is what people tell me.

I think this "growing up" as such and bonding happens at the birth a lot more for the dads than the mums. In the sense that I have felt a bond with her since I found out I was pregnant. It intensified once I could feel her movements. And obviously it will increase tenfold once I finally get to meet her in person. I think for most dads though they feel as though they are bystanders for the pregnancy. They helped to start it, but until the end they are not really 100% experiencing the process (they only get to deal with it vicariously through us). We as women get to experience everything directly. We grow bigger, we feel sick, our tastes change, our senses intensify, we feel the movements (from the inside) and in the end we are the ones who have to get the baby out (if only we could somehow share that experience). In some ways I think its harder for men to connect with the baby as emotionally as we do from the very beginning.

Men are very visual and unfortunately you cant see the baby when its inside - except of course at ultrasounds. T said that it didn't really start feeling real for him until our 12 week ultrasound when he could see her on the screen and she looked like a baby (of course we didn't know she was a she yet). He got more excited when he could feel her moving from the outside, but was somewhat jealous that it took a lot longer for him to feel her from the outside after I could feel her from the inside. He also said he wishes he could experience what it feels like from the inside - at least once for curiosity's sake. After I explained about having feet in your ribs and elbows poking out your side he decided once would be enough instead of feeling it constantly like I do.

I have noticed in the past few weeks that T has starting "growing up" a lot more. Hes always been excited to be a dad, but I think he is really relishing the responsibility of it all now that I'm on maternity leave. He likes being responsible for me and its starting to really dawn on him that he is going to be responsible for another little person really soon. A light bulb has been switched on. We recently got our pram and he took great pride in putting it together and showing me how it works. He was so proud of himself once he finished (and he only put one part on backwards - who needs instructions anyway). This coming from a man who left most of the baby shopping to me because he had no idea and now he is showing me how a pram works.


So proud of himself

I have to say it has been really amazing watching him slowly transform from my fiance to my baby daddy. There is this ever so subtle shift happening. Hes started helping around the house more. He makes sure I'm not overdoing it. He pays more attention to my belly and stops and rubs it randomly. I love that hes making a conscious effort to connect with her more. I love that hes getting excited and that he cant help but smile ridiculously at my belly whenever I am in the room.

It seriously does make a man more attractive once you start to see them as the father of your child. Not that we needed any help in being attracted to each other, but now its like another layer of attraction. I know its just going to go to another level once we meet her next month (eek its so close). I cant wait for that moment when we first meet her. When everything changes. When we become a family. When he becomes a dad and I will finally be a mum.

Toni xx




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28 comments:

  1. You're already family, even before baby arrives, and that bond will deepen in a new way after your child is born. I think it's wonderful that you're both so excited about becoming parents. I've certainly enjoyed every moment of parenthood, even those "what was I thinking when I became a mom?" times during my sons' late teenage years. It's all been good!

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    1. Im expecting a lot of what was I thinking moments to come later. Probably as quickly as a day after shes born! But for now we are happy to be excited.

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  2. I was always completely indifferent to the idea of being a father until my wife actually got pregnant. Then I was all gung-ho. Thinking about something is very different from actually experiencing it. The thought of being saddled with a child always seemed like it would be an obstacle to my freedom; the experience of having a child and being a father has been nothing but a great adventure of love.

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    1. I'm sure T is going to love every minute (except maybe the dirty nappies).

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  3. Such an exciting time for you both. It must be beautiful for you to witness that change in your partner. You are going to be a wonderful little family!

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    1. Thankyou. I didn't think I could love him more than I already did, but apparently I can.

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  4. Sweet! Good for you for noticing the changes.

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  5. My advise to your husband is... get involved. He is not a passenger in this (and it sounds like he already knows this). Let him have a crack, make a few mistakes, do some settling, changing and bathing by himself.

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    1. I think hes going to be very involved. We are hoping to breastfeed and he has made sure we have bottles and a breast pump so that I can express so he can feed her too.

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  6. I loved watching the expression on my husband's face when he had is first cuddle with our daughter. So precious. And he is such an involved dad, it makes me love him even more.
    Hope all goes well for the safe arrival of your little girl.

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    1. I cant wait to see his face once shes here. Its one of the things I'm looking forward to most.

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  7. It's the best feeling ever having a hubby who adores his kids. Mine is one of the most loving father to our three, makes me love him more. Not long to wait now, wishing you a safe month before delivery - rest up (but I'm sure everyone's told you that) Emily

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    1. Thanks! I'm not very good at resting, but I'm trying.

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  8. What a lovely story - your fiance sounds like he's going to be awesome daddy! Best of luck with your delivery :)

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  9. Aww, you two sound so sweet! Such an exciting time!

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  10. The biggest shock to dads when babies arrive is the being knocked off the #1 spot in the woman's life. We don't get that place back until the babies becomes teenagers. :)

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  11. It IS a wonderful time watching your partner transform into a Dad!

    I've been watching my hubster go through another stage of the transformation lately, esp where Miss 16 is concerned - he's turned into an old fashioned strict Italian Papa! What the! Where's my hubster and what has he done with him?!

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    1. T is already go on about chastity belts and guns to stop the boys once she wants to date. Im sure he will go from cool dad to strict dad too once that time comes.

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  12. Definitely agree with you! Nothing more sexy than a man transforming into a dad.
    My husband didn't want marriage or family when we first started dated. Now he is just smitten with the boys. He hates him when I remind him what he was like before :)

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  13. Such a special and exciting time for you both XX

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  14. Yes, a man in love with his baby... and a helpful man is very, very attractive! The very best with the next few weeks and the birth too. It's the most wonderful time... there are plenty of bloody awful times in motherhood - trust me I know- but the first baby's birth is just magical.

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  15. I agree with you totally. I actually got really upset towards the end of my first pregnancy as I just felt like Mr D wasn't excited at all!! He didn't really seem interest in any of the 'things' I kept telling him we needed to get for the baby. However the moment Master J arrived EVERYTHING changed. It was actually quite amazing to watch the transformation. He had to take on quite a lot more as I unfortunately suffered from post natal depression after my first. I went through the same feeling during my other pregnancies too and I really think it was because he just couldn't imagine another child 'yet' but once they were born he was incredible!! Exciting times - enjoy them. Oh and we have a bugaboo too - LOVE them!! xx #FYBF

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    1. I was worried at first because he wasnt interested in baby shopping at all and I felt like everything was being left to me. But as ive gotten bigger its got a lot more real for him and now he wants to be a lot more involved.

      Im totally in love with the bugaboo too.

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  16. Gorgeous post! Enjoy all the parenting firsts together xx

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  17. I just love to hear when fathers begin to get involved. You both made the baby together and he does have a wonderful part to play in all of this. He will find his role as each day moves on.

    Actually T has already experienced being on the inside, he just can't remember it :) It happened when his mother was pregnant. Just thought I'd let him know, ha ha ha.

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  18. Aw Toni. Apologies for my tardy comment. Thanks so much for linking up with the POTMC. This is a delightful post and takes me back to my pre-children days. I look forward to hearing the good news! J x

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