I used to sit and spend hours wondering what my baby's dad would be like (in the years before I actually started trying to have a baby). I had a picture in my head of what I wanted their relationship to be like. The thing about having a crappy childhood is that it makes you more determined to make your own family much more stable, more loving and more compassionate. I want to create a safe place for my children. A strong unit that works together to help each other, to have fun and be happy. A key ingredient to this was always going to be finding a strong, loving and supportive man to create this family with me.
I don't want to create the same mistakes my parents did. Not that they were essentially bad parents, I just wish that we got to spend more time with them. Growing up we didn't see dad very often because my parents owned their own business and were always working. Dad would leave for work during the day while we were still at school and we wouldn't see him again until we were picked up from the baby sitters at about 10:30 at night (and that was only if we woke up on the way home). On school holidays we would spend the week with our grandparents. I know they were trying their best to create a secure future for us by having the business, but unfortunately it came at the cost of being able to spend quality time together. That was the one thing I missed most in my childhood.
There were good memories though. I remember going on bike rides to deep water bend and spending time boogie boarding at the beach. Running through the sprinkler in the backyard in our togs. Jumping on the trampoline. Waiting for santa to arrive on Christmas eve and getting up all excited on Christmas Day. I wish we had more of these memories. Our time together was cut short as my parents separated when I was 10 and just three months later dad was gone. I wish we had spent more time together, if only we knew how precious and limited our time together would be.
The biggest thing I want for my family is to spend time together as a family. Even if its just doing small things like watching dvds on the weekend. Having picnics on the lounge room floor or camping in the backyard. Going to the beach as often as possible. I want my children to always feel as though we are there for them day or night. Most of all I want them to have an engaged, loving father figure.
I think T will be a great father. He's very caring and very responsible. He will be a good provider but also a great playmate. I'm pretty sure he will be one of those men who turns to jelly around his kids. They will have him wrapped around their little fingers. I can see I will have to be the bad cop because daddy will be likely to say yes to everything. Once he gets over his fear of changing nappies (which he will be conquering quick smart) I'm confident he will be very involved even with the unpleasant things. He's already made sure we've bought bottles so he can help with feeding. Actually thinking about it I might have to negotiate to get time with the baby. I'm sure he will be totally smitten from day one and I love that. I think I have definitely made the right choice with T. I couldn't think of anyone better to be the father of my children.
I want my children to have a very fulfilling, loving and happy relationship with their daddy. I know we will probably make some mistakes along the way, but as long as our children feel loved that's all I can ask for.
UPDATE: T is a great dad and is definitely the big softie who gives her everything she wants and I have to be the bad cop all the time.