Friday, September 7, 2012

The sky is where my dad is


Do you ever find yourself staring at the sky? The sky is my go to "happy place". Every single day I spend time looking up in awe of the sky.  Whether its filled with the weird and wonderful shapes of the clouds, the colour of the sunset or just the perfect vast blue of a clear sunny day; there is something that draws me to it. Every morning when I walk out of the house I look up at the sky. Every time I stop at the lights on the way to work I stare up at the sky. When I finish work as soon as I walk outside the first thing I do is look up.

I think my obsession with the sky started after dad died. I don't know that I fully believe in the concept of heaven, but I do believe that he is up there somewhere and that he can see me. I think that's why I look up so often, its like my morning hello and a goodbye in the evening as I come out of work. A little way to acknowledge him each day. I think the child in me believes that hes painted the clouds onto the sky for me, just to make me smile. The adult in me knows this is not the case, but its still a nice sentiment so I let my inner child uphold the fantasy. Either way, in my mind the sky is where my dad is.

Because of this my favourite song of all time is Castles in the sky by Ian Van Dahl. I used to listen to this on repeat on my walkman with head phones in as I went to sleep (yes I had a walkman, ipods didnt exist when I was a teenager). It used to calm me down and let me process my thoughts before falling asleep. The song really spoke to me because its all about trying to work out your life and 'building castles in the sky'. I was really trying to come to terms with dad dying when I stumbled across this song and I guess that's why I have built a castle in the sky for dad to live in, figuratively speaking. I found this awesome video for the song with time lapse sky images.




Whenever I have the chance I get my phone out and snap away photos of the sky so I can capture each and every face it has. My obsession with taking photos also began after dad died because before that we didn't have many photos. There were no mobile phones, let alone ones with cameras and real cameras were only really used at special occasions. I love that nowadays we can capture everyday moments and form photographic memories so readily. I wish I had that before.


I know he is up there somewhere looking down at me. I hope he's proud. I hope I make him smile too. We've missed out on spending so many important times together. We had so many more memories to make and I wish we had done a lot more in the time we had.


When I miss you I look to the sky


Remember to make as many memories as possible while you can because one day those memories might be all you have.


Toni x

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